


Delusion and Imagination, Please

by pidders



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Abusive Parents, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Asphyxiation, Bad Ending, Bad vibes, Blowjobs, Borderline noncon, Bottom Ouma Kokichi, Casual swearing, Choking, Coercion, Crossdressing, Dubious Consent, Emotional Turmoil, First Time, Heavy Dubcon, Internalized Homophobia, Lots of Crying, M/M, Masturbation, Sexual Overstimulation, Smut, Suicidal Ideation, Top Saihara Shuichi, Unrequited Love, V3 ending is canon, V3 pregame, V3 spoilers, abusive home life, brief orgasm delay/denial, coming to terms with sexuality, consent in later chapters, detailed depictions of bullying, dubcon, frequently talking about death, it is almost rape at points, no protection, pain during sex, pregame, real sad hours lol, saihara is complete scum in this fic lol, very light DR1 spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-26
Packaged: 2021-03-27 10:40:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 28,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30121500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pidders/pseuds/pidders
Summary: *PREGAME V3* Ouma Kokichi has a difficult life. One day when he just happens to meet fellow Danganronpa fan, Saihara Shuichi, it becomes clear to him that things around him are changing fast. As he learns more about Saihara, he discovers that Shuichi may not be quite the person that he originally thought. Kokichi finds out that while Shuichi can't solve his problems, there is definitely one thing that can-- That is, if things ever start to go his way.
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 13
Kudos: 64





	1. Escapism

**Author's Note:**

> I don't necessarily believe that pregame Ouma was the pitiful, timid type, but it seemed like fun to write him like that because of the contrast to how he is during the killing game in V3. And idk, but if you have any kinda expectation to like Saihara, you're probably gonna be disappointed, lol.
> 
> Just one last note in case anyone didn't read the tags: This fic is not going to end on a good note, so if you thrive on happy, positive endings, I wouldn't recommend investing your time in this story.
> 
> The fic's title is a roughly translated lyric from 脳内革命ガール by MARETU

Finally, the day was over and he could go home. It was easily the best part of any school day. Ouma hated being at school, every moment he spent in the building felt like a drain on him in every way. He packed up his books and stood up from his desk, walking out of the classroom with his eyes downcast at the floor. Kokichi could only hope that he wouldn't draw any attention to himself today. He walked down the steps to the main entrance, stopping by the lockers to put on his street shoes and leave for the day. He opened his locker, relieved to find that nothing had been put inside it this time by any of his classmates. In the past, he had found that people had spit on or stuck chewed gum to his belongings-- But not today. Ouma toed off his indoor slippers and put his shoes on before crouching down to pick up his slippers from the floor.

He heard the crashing sound before he could even register that it was caused by his head hitting the lockers. Someone had only just roughly released a fistful of his hair after shoving him into the metal surface with excessive force. Ouma immediately dropped his school bag, clutching his head and falling to his knees in pain, reflexively squeezing his eyes shut-- As much as he wanted to block everything out, he couldn't ignore the sounds of wild laughter erupting from a group of nearby students. Ouma didn't want to open his eyes and come to terms with the reality of what was happening. Somehow, he felt that if he kept his eyes closed, it would be less real. But he couldn't run from his reality, forcing himself to open his eyes and watch as his classmates walked out of the entrance and catching the tail end of their conversation that was undoubtedly about him.

“He's probably going home to jerk off to Danganronpa murder scenes anyway!”

“What an obsessed creep.”

“Yeah, he takes it waaay too fucking far...” their voices trailed off as they exited the building.

Kokichi felt his eyes begin to water, his vision blurring from the tears he couldn't manage to suppress. It had nothing to do with the pain of the assault, but because these incidents he experienced seemed to be happening far more frequently with no intervention from anyone. He didn't know how to defend himself and didn't have any friends to back him up at his school. Everything seemed hopeless and he felt so alone with no escape from his miserable, everyday life. Ouma stood up slowly, feeling unsteady on his feet as he braced himself against the lockers for support. He picked his slippers off the floor, gently placing them inside his locker. He grabbed his school bag next and headed home, wiping his tears away with the sleeve of his uniform. Kokichi was grateful that his commute wasn't long and that tomorrow was the weekend, meaning he'd get a reprieve from the torture of attending class and potentially being bullied again.

Most days as he walked home, he would almost go into a trance, blocking out everything and going on autopilot as he walked through the city streets to his house. Today was no different and before he'd realized it, he'd made it home, feeling the relief wash over him as he unlocked his front door and stepped inside.

“I'm home.” he said quietly to the empty house, slipping out of his shoes. His parents wouldn't be back for another couple of hours at least, and he was more than content spending time by himself, as he usually did.

Kokichi headed upstairs into his bedroom, setting his school bag down on the floor by his desk before taking a seat in his chair with a sigh, opening his laptop. Homework could wait. First, he wanted to check out the Fanganronpa forum for any new posts. It was probably his favorite hobby aside from actually watching Danganronpa. He scrolled through the page, looking for any threads that looked interesting enough to read. He stumbled across a post asking for people's opinions on their favorite seasons throughout the series. Ouma clicked on the topic, scrolling through the replies, surprised to see that no one had commented mentioning his favorite seasons yet. 

He debated with himself whether or not he should post a comment. The Danganronpa fandom could be so toxic at times, the thought of leaving your own opinion online was daunting to say the least. He typed his response and posted it, deciding to take a chance. No one would probably reply to him anyway as these sorts of posts could get thousands of responses sometimes, which easily buried individual comments deeper within the thread. Kokichi lowered the screen on his laptop halfway, scooting it back on his desk before he reached into his bag to grab his textbook and start his homework.

Most of the subjects he studied were simple to him and it didn't usually take him long to finish, which he considered himself fortunate. With everything else going on in his life, in the very least, it was nice to have one thing he excelled in, even if it was just school work. Kokichi worked through his math problems, occasionally rubbing his aching head where he felt a bump beginning to form due to the earlier incident at school. He was grateful that he wasn't left bleeding this time at least.

Suddenly, a pinging sound from his computer broke his concentration, drawing his attention away from his homework. It wasn't a sound he had ever heard his laptop make before. Ouma opened up his computer, checking to see where it had come from when he noticed he had a direct message from someone on the Fanganronpa forum. He'd never received a DM before and felt apprehensive to open it, wondering if somehow the comment he'd posted had triggered someone to send him hate mail. He clicked the message nervously, expecting the worst.

[[Hey there! ôヮô I hope you don't mind me reaching out to you like this. I saw your comment and thought we could be friends since I also really love the classic seasons of Dangonronpa. Not too many people appreciate them compared to the newer ones. You can ignore this if I'm bothering you, by the way.]]

This wasn't what he had anticipated, that was for sure. The idea of making a friend (even if they were just online) was nice, especially considering what he'd gone through today at school. Kokichi paused for a moment, trying to think of something appropriate to say. This was his first reply to them and he wanted to make sure he got everything right. He clicked away at his keyboard, writing out a message.

[[Oh, hi! It's no problem! I'd love to be friends with another Danganronpa fan, especially someone from the Fanganronpa page! ヾ(＠＾▽＾＠)ﾉ Wow, that's great that you like the older seasons too! Usually people look at me like I'm crazy or have bad taste or something, ahaha. (=ω=;) Who are your favorite characters??]]

He sent the message excitedly and waited for another response... It didn't take more than a minute before he had another message. He was feeling slightly overwhelmed by how quickly his new friend was writing him back, but he couldn't be surprised. This person probably had it all together, with no reason to feel apprehensive or worried about the type of replies they sent to strangers on the internet-- Unlike himself, who had to think hard about the things he said online, especially to someone who offered him friendship up front like this person had done. He read through their message to him.

[[haha, it's so hard to choose, but I definitely love all of the detective characters! There's something about their sense of justice that feels exciting to me. Kirigiri is my fav, btw]]

Kokichi smiled to himself as he read the message. He could understand the appeal of that type of character for sure. He started replying in the message box, backspacing his entire message feeling unsatisfied with what he had written. Ouma definitely didn't want to send a reply that he didn't feel was good enough for his friend. He needed to keep them interested in him. Finally, he had managed to come up with something he was satisfied with. 

[[Those characters are great, honestly! They make me feel so much HOPE （*´▽｀*）which is really just the best when you're watching Danganronpa, isn't it??]]

He held his breath and hit enter on his keyboard, sending the message and feeling nervous about what kind of response he'd receive in return. He got another message almost instantly.

[[Do you want to meet?]]

Kokichi stared at his screen, reading the message over and over again as if he were somehow misinterpreting its meaning. It was a bizarre question coming from someone he didn't even know the real name of, not to mention someone he'd only been talking to for a few minutes. He didn't know how to reply, but he didn't want to ignore his new friend at the same time. He typed apprehensively into the message window.

[[I don't understand. Do you mean to actually meet in person?]]

He waited for the next message, wondering if this was some sort of prank or something. It only took another couple of seconds as a new message arrived in his inbox.

[[Yup! I checked your IP address and saw that you live in my city, isn't that strange? I mean, what are the odds?]]

Kokichi felt slightly uneasy that this mysterious person he'd only just met had looked into finding out what city he lived in. He wondered what else they knew about him and how exactly they even managed to figure out what his IP address was in the first place. He checked their profile and realized they were a forum moderator, explaining how they likely got his IP address... Though it still didn't explain the borderline creepy behavior. He decided that it was too early to judge them and he should give them the benefit of the doubt. Ouma went back to the message to reply.

[[ooh, weird. that really is a coincidence!]] 

He didn't know what to say otherwise and even though he felt alarmed that this person had somewhat stalked him, he still didn't want to come across as rude in his reply to them, especially if they were able to find his information so easily. It would be insane to meet with someone he didn't even know aside from having an exchange of a few messages with... though at the same time, the idea of having a real friend was kind of exciting. Ouma wondered if maybe he got a concussion when his classmate smashed his head against the lockers if he was actually entertaining the thought. Another message popped up in his inbox.

[[It would be fun to have someone to talk about Danganronpa with in person, don't you think? (*~▽~) ]]

It _would_ be nice to be able to talk about his favorite hobby with someone without being constantly judged for being overly obsessed and bullied like his classmates did to him... And his new friend seemed like a nice person, would it really be so bad to meet up with them for a couple of hours? Kokichi started typing his next message.

[[Just so you know, I'm a high school student..... is that OK? and if i did decide to meet with you, when/where would we meet?]]

[[I'm in high school too. We're pretty much Ultimates, haha. It's not that late so why not tonite? Do you like sweet things?]]

This was so sudden. Kokichi contemplated it for a moment. It would definitely be more convenient to meet tomorrow, but what if this person expected him tonight and if he refused to go, would lose interest in meeting him? He wondered if maybe it was dangerous to meet someone he randomly met from the internet... In the best case scenario, he'd go meet with them and make a friend who liked Danganronpa as much as he did-- Or nearly as much as he did, since Ouma was convinced that he was the biggest fan. In the worst case, he'd be tortured and then brutally murdered, which all things considered, he couldn't even find it to be THAT tragic when his life was as worthless as it was. But Ouma felt like this mysterious person was friendly from how they spoke to him... And they talked so enthusiastically about Danganronpa, even going so far as to compare them to Ultimates!

[[OK, tonight is fine with me! And sweets are nice in moderation, ahah~ ☆d(o⌒∇⌒o)b]]

Kokichi quickly changed out of his uniform and into more casual clothes-- A thin zippered hoodie with a checkered print detail that he liked along with a white t-shirt with diagonal red stripes underneath. He had already attached a few of his favorite Danganronpa pins to his hoodie, so he hoped that his internet friend would be impressed with them. Ouma slipped into a pair of black slacks and grabbed one of his belts decorated with metal eyelets to wear.

He rushed back over to his laptop to check for messages. He had one unread message. It was an address to... He had to look it up on his phone. It was an ice cream parlor in town, not too far from his house. He hastily replied to the message, feeling in a rush to leave in order to not keep them waiting on him.

[[eta is 20 mins or so! see u soon]]

He hurried out of his home, locking his door and heading towards the address in his phone to meet with his new friend, wondering what kind of person they'd be. He suddenly realized he didn't have the gender, name, or even a photo of the person he was meeting... Not that he really cared much about how they looked, as long as they were friendly. Hopefully it would be obvious to him when he got there. He was starting to feel nervous, but he reasoned with himself that this was expected since he didn't often have the opportunity to interact with people his age. Kokichi brushed the thoughts aside-- There was no reason for him to worry. He had a fresh start with this person. They didn't know anything about him or his past so they'd have no reason to dislike him or anything like that.

\---

Ouma stood in front of the ice cream shop, suddenly hit with a wave of anxiety that he was here alone, meeting up with a complete stranger. He checked his phone, repeatedly confirming the address as he walked up to the entrance. He quickly checked his messages to see if his friend had written him only to find that he did, in fact, have a new message.

[[I'm here, just letting you know. ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ Sitting in the back corner by myself. Please get here soon so I don't have to be the only one here without ice cream lol]]

Kokichi felt slightly relieved reading that they were already there waiting for him. He took a deep breath before he walked inside, the bell cheerfully ringing on the entrance door. He glanced around the shop, looking for anyone sitting alone in the back but there was only one boy around his age that was by himself. He was dressed casually, wearing a plain dark jacket with zippered pockets on it and dark wash denim jeans. He also wore a hat that seemed to obscure his eyes from view and he looked as if he was a fair bit taller than Kokichi was.

Ouma hesitantly approached the table, noticing that the boy had glanced up at him with an inquisitive look on his face. “Umm, excuse me...” the smaller boy began, nervously toying with his cellphone in his hands.

“You actually came?” The boy laughed shortly followed with a subtle smile. “From the forum, right?” his smile grew as he spoke, looking genuinely pleased to see Ouma standing in front of him right now.

“R-right!” he started, trying to sound as confident as he could portray himself-- Trying to remind himself that this was a chance to start over and he didn't need to worry about what other people thought about him in the past. “I'm Ouma Kokichi, by the way.”

“Ouma-kun, hmm?” The taller boy said, as if he were testing the sound of his name rolling off his tongue. “You look a lot different than I pictured you.” he admitted quietly. Then suddenly, he chuckled to himself, shaking his head, as if he couldn't believe he had said the words out loud. “I'm sorry, I mean that in the best possible way.”

“It's nice to meet you.” Ouma smiled politely, disregarding his last statement. He was unsure exactly what the other had expected him to look like, but as long as he didn't mean it in a bad way or anything, he couldn't see it as a problem.

“A-ah. I never gave you my name- It's Saihara. Saihara Shuichi.” he stood up from the table finally. “Should we get some ice cream then?”

“Sure!” Ouma agreed cheerfully. So far, his first impression of Saihara was positive. He seemed really nice and Kokichi could actually see himself being friends with him. Maybe things were starting to turn around for him... He felt warm inside at the thought of having an actual friend in real life. A person that he could spend time with who would enjoy his company in return. He didn't want to get his hopes up yet though, since it had only been about a minute or two since they'd met face to face.

They walked up to the counter together and Shuichi ordered first. He asked for vanilla and chocolate swirl with cookie topping. It sounded really good to Kokichi, but he already had his mind made up on what he wanted.

“Um, since you agreed to come out tonight at the last minute, the least I can do is get your ice cream for you.” Saihara offered suddenly, catching the smaller boy off guard by his generosity. 

“Oh! You don't have to do that, Saihara-san!” Ouma quickly countered, feeling slightly awkward about his offer. He could have sworn that Shuichi's face was the slightest shade of pink, but he wrote it off as the lighting in the ice cream shop playing tricks on his eyes.

“Please, you don't have to be so formal when you address me. We're around the same age, after all.” he smiled. “Go ahead, order anything you'd like.”

“T-thank you, Saihara...kun” Kokichi averted his gaze from the taller boy, feeling embarrassed suddenly, almost like a child that couldn't take care of himself and pay for his own ice cream. Though Saihara seemed determined to pick up the tab, so he reasoned with himself that he'd just treat the other next time. Ouma ordered his favorite: strawberry ice cream with rainbow sprinkles. It was super basic, but he really loved the comforting flavor.

“I was thinking we could walk for a bit and talk if you're feeling up to it.” Shuichi casually suggested as he paid for their desserts. The attendant working behind the counter handed them their ice cream and they thanked them as they took their flavors of choice from the worker.

“That's fine with me.” Kokichi agreed with a nod. He actually was kind of excited to talk to Saihara. Hopefully, he'd get a chance to get to know him since he really knew nothing about him as it currently stood, aside from the fact that he liked Danganronpa and moderated a popular fanpage in his free time. 

“Ready?” Saihara asked with a smile as he turned to walk out of the ice cream parlor, Ouma following his lead.

Kokichi was finding it hard to hide the smile on his face, feeling so genuinely happy for the first time in forever. This seemed far too good to be true. Saihara was just so kind and he felt terrible about how he had his doubts about him before when they were messaging one another and how he was questioning what kind of person he would turn out to be. They walked out of the shop together, side by side through the city streets in mostly silence.

“So do you like school?” Shuichi suddenly asked, in an attempt to break the ice, most likely.

Ouma froze at the question. Just the thought of school made him anxious and he had to remind himself that it was the weekend now and he wouldn't have to worry about it until Monday. “Not really...” he answered honestly, absentmindedly rubbing the bump on his head and wincing from the dull, aching pain. He hoped Saihara didn't notice. “I'd much rather be at home.”

“Hmm, I guess not too many people actually like school.” the other laughed softly. “I understand that. Studying is important, but things would be much simpler if, well, we had more time to do other things.” he added with a sigh.

“What kind of things do you like to do, Saihara-kun?” he glanced over at the taller boy.

“Danganronpa is my life, pretty much.” he said casually with a shrug. “But I do find time for other things here and there. What about you, Ouma-kun? I'm much more interested in hearing about your hobbies.” Saihara smiled warmly, sneaking a glimpse at the other before returning his attention to his ice cream.

“Aah, well. Aside from Danganronpa, of course, I like anime and video games and...” he trailed off, realizing he probably wasn't painting himself in a very positive light. Ouma quickly took a bite of his ice cream as if it would be some sort of diversion from how simple he thought he was making himself sound. The cold made his teeth hurt and he quickly touched his hand to his mouth as if it would somehow curb the sharp pain.

Saihara must have picked up on his awkwardness because he laughed, shaking his head. “There's nothing wrong with that. I like those things too.”

Kokichi felt like he could feel Shuichi's eyes on him, but he brushed it off, feeling like he must be imagining it and he certainly didn't want to be caught looking his way in case the boy really was looking at him. 

“Hey,” Saihara started, “there's a park over here if you wanna sit down for a minute.”

“Mmhm, sure.” Ouma agreed, feeling relieved that the focus was off of him now. They walked over to a bench in the empty park, sitting down as they ate their ice cream together.

“I guess it'll be dark soon.” Shuichi observed, looking up at the sky, in which the sun had already begun to set in.

Ouma took in the pink and reddish hues washing across the cloudy sky, touching down along the city skyline. There wasn't anything he found to be remarkable about their city, but he couldn't deny that it looked picturesque. He leaned back on the bench, placing his hand next to him, accidentally touching Saihara's hand and pulling away immediately. “S-sorry.” Ouma quickly apologized, hoping that Shuichi wouldn't think he'd done it intentionally to be a creep or something. He hesitantly glanced Saihara's way to check his reaction, but the taller boy said nothing, looking over at him curiously.

“Do you ever wish that your life could be more exciting?” Saihara asked suddenly with a sigh, the question catching Ouma off guard at how seemingly out of nowhere it had come.

He honestly wasn't sure if he wanted things to be more _exciting_ , per se, but it would definitely be nice if things could be different. “I think about that kind of thing a lot, actually.” Kokichi admitted, closing his eyes briefly and licking his ice cream. He watched as the sun continued to set over the city, once again feeling Saihara's eyes on him. Ouma looked over at the other, who was watching him intently, the vibrant colors of the sunset casting a pinkish tint across his features.

“Ouma-kun...” Saihara began softly, shifting on the bench, moving in closer to where the smaller boy sat.

Kokichi looked up into his eyes longingly, becoming hyper aware of how fast his own heart was racing. _Why was he feeling this way suddenly?_ He couldn't quite explain it, but something about Saihara being closer to him made him feel desired, which was something he'd never felt before. He felt like everything around them had slowed down in an instant and he could only focus on Saihara alone, gazing into his eyes, waiting for whatever he would say or do next.

“You, um. You have ice cream on your nose.”

Ouma felt his face immediately flush as he quickly brought his hand to his face, rubbing at his nose and wiping away the remains of the ice cream. _God damn it, he was so stupid._ “T-thanks.” he squeezed his eyes shut. _So stupid..._

“Mmhm.” Saihara hummed brightly, smiling kindly at him. “I was thinking we could exchange chat IDs so we can talk on our phones without relying on the forum.” he took his phone out from his pocket and opened the messaging app.

“Oh, that's a good idea. The forum message formatting is kinda weird on my phone sometimes.” Ouma said, grabbing his cellphone and exchanging his friend code with the taller boy. Even though he didn't have any friends, he'd downloaded all sorts of social media apps and such just in case there would ever be a time that someone would ask him for his profile or chat ID. He felt pleased with himself for being prepared today, like it wasn't all for nothing in the end. His phone pinged as they confirmed each other's requests to be friends. 

Kokichi realized that it would be dark very soon, as the sun had almost entirely gone down for the night. He felt a sense of sadness hit him that things would be coming to an end today. He didn't want it to be over just yet. They sat in silence finishing their ice cream.

Saihara looked up at the darkening sky. “I guess we kinda lost track of time. Or maybe the sun just set too fast.”

“Maybe both.” Ouma suggested, quickly regretting his words, wishing he could have said something that actually added to the conversation for once. But Shuichi smiled, and he felt slightly better about his remark.

“We should get going. I mean, your parents are probably going to worry if you come home late.” 

_Doubtful..._ “Ah, you're right.” Kokichi nodded in agreement, not wanting to get into the details of his home life situation.

They stood up, beginning the walk back towards the ice cream shop.

“So did you take the train here tonight?” Saihara asked in an attempt to make conversation.

“I walked.” Kokichi started, “It wasn't too far from where I live.”

“Me too. Actually, I have to go this way to get home, so I guess this is goodbye for now.” he looked in the direction of one of the side streets they were standing by.

“Oh, okay!” Kokichi said cheerfully. He couldn't deny that he was slightly disappointed they couldn't talk more tonight, but he felt hopeful that he'd get to know Saihara even more from this point forth. 

“Get home safe, Ouma-kun.” Saihara added.

“Y-you too, Saihara-kun!” Kokichi was beaming now, waving at the taller boy as Saihara held his hand up to return the gesture before they parted ways. He couldn't help but to think just how cool Shuichi was. That he was actually his friend now and there was a good chance they would have more time together, even if Ouma didn't think he was close to being on the other's level. He continued along, passing the ice cream shop they stopped at earlier, when his phone got a notification. It was a message from the chat client.

>> hey!

It was from Saihara, as he'd suspected. Before he could even reply, he got another message from the boy.

>> thanks for meeting with me and being a decent and interesting person（；^‿^）

Kokichi blushed at the message. Shuichi thought he was interesting... That meant he probably had a good enough time to continue talking to him. He quickly wrote back a response.

<< aha glad you think so! ty for the ice cream. I'll owe you for next time v(●~▽~●)v

He sent his message and waited as he continued the trip home... Well, it wasn't _weird_ necessarily, but Saihara had seemed to have stopped replying to him. He stared at his phone as he walked along the sidewalk, feeling a bit dismal about not getting a response back right away. He shook the thought away, rationalizing with himself that it was unreasonable to expect the other to drop everything and write him back instantly.

At the same time, he couldn't help but to feel slightly anxious that maybe it was because of his message offering a 'next time' that possibly came across as too forward and that was the reason Saihara wasn't replying. He looked up from his phone, seeing that he was face to face with a traffic pole. Yikes, he'd almost walked right into it, clearly not paying much attention to his surroundings. Kokichi put his phone away for now to focus on the commute home.

It wasn't long before he was standing at his front door. He unlocked the door, stepping inside and taking off his shoes, leaving them in the hallway.

“I'm home.” he said, as he always did, completely ignoring his parents in the other room and walking to his bedroom for the night. He opted to skip dinner, still feeling satiated from the ice cream he had earlier with Saihara. Ouma gently closed his bedroom door and walked over to his bed, collapsing on the mattress with a sigh. He took out his cellphone to check if Shuichi had messaged him back yet, but to his dismay, he hadn't. He considered sending him another message, but didn't want to come across as weird or needy. He'd probably done enough of that today as it was...

He closed his eyes, thinking about his day and just how much it had gone from absolute hell to one of his best memories in a long time. The pinging coming from his phone pulled him out of his thoughts and he frantically grabbed for his phone, opening the messaging app.

>> nice to know there'll be a next time!

He wrote back:

<< haha ofc! did you make it home OK?

He stared at their conversation, once again waiting for a response. But nothing came through right away. Kokichi pouted, wondering just how long Saihara would keep him waiting. He hummed to himself, getting up from his bed and going over to his desk to finish his homework for the night. He was almost done, but he didn't want to put it off any longer. He sat at his desk, opening his textbook and working through the problems he'd been assigned. Eventually, he received another message.

>> yea you

He was relieved that Shuichi had made it back safely and even seemed to care enough to ask him if he'd made it back as well. He quickly typed a reply.

<< just got in!

Another message came in right away.

>> („• ᴗ •„) 

That was probably the end of their conversation for the night, but he left his phone on his desk while he finished up his homework in case Saihara-kun decided to send him any other messages. It didn't take him long to get through his assigned problems for the weekend, meaning he'd have free time tomorrow, which was always a relief. He packed his books away in his school bag and got ready for bed, noticing that it was beginning to get late. Ouma climbed into bed, lying back as he scrolled through his phone, looking at the Fanganronpa forum. Before he knew it, he could hardly keep his eyes open. He plugged his phone in for the night, setting it on his end table and rolled over, closing his eyes. Thoughts of his time with Saihara-kun were at the forefront of his mind and he couldn't help but to smile to himself knowing that he finally had someone he could call a friend. He eventually drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's all downhill from here~ ♡＼(￣▽￣)／♡


	2. Misguided Affections

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol Did I mention that I intended for this to be a oneshot, but my beta reader ripped it to shreds and made me write more chapters so it wouldn't be so “rushed”??

Kokichi woke up to the sun peeking through his window, obnoxiously shining in on his face. He groaned softly, sprawling out in his bed to stretch. He felt like he could use more sleep, but glancing over at the clock on his nightstand and seeing that it was already the mid afternoon meant that he definitely should get out of bed for the day. His stomach grumbled, reminding himself that he'd chosen to skip dinner last night and go straight to his room instead. With a sigh, he pulled the covers off himself and climbed out of bed, hoping that his parents were maybe out of the house already. It was the weekend, so of course there was always a chance they'd be home. 

After making his bed, he picked out an outfit for the day, neatly folding his clothes before setting the orderly pile on his bed and heading to the bathroom to shower. Ouma grabbed a towel along the way, stepping into the bathroom and closing the door tightly behind him as he began to undress. He turned on the shower's faucet, finding the feeling of the water warming his body to be comforting and pleasant. Kokichi suddenly realized that he had definitely not checked his phone before, wondering if he had missed any messages from Saihara-kun. He had such a nice time with him yesterday, it would just be perfect if the other had asked him to meet up with him again today, at least assuming that Saihara had free time to waste on him.

He was finding it difficult to think of much else aside from Shuichi since he'd met him yesterday, if he was being honest with himself. There was something about the way that he spoke to him so kindly, really making it seem like he cared for Kokichi despite barely knowing him. And when he saw Saihara smile, something about it made him feel like he was glowing inside, as if he got just a small reprieve from just how terrible things were usually for him in life. There was also something about his mysterious nature that drew him in, making him wonder more about just what kind of person Saihara really was. Although, if he really was anything like he acted last night, then Ouma was sure that the other would be nothing but a positive influence on him, making life more tolerable.

Ouma felt the familiar feeling of desire building up inside him, glancing down at his semi hard length. _Oh no..._ He was thinking all about Saihara when _this_ suddenly happened out of nowhere. He couldn't figure out why he would have urges like this thinking about his friend, of all things. And for some reason, he couldn't stop thoughts of the boy coming to his mind even now, whether or not he knew how wrong it was to use Saihara for something like this. He didn't think that he was interested in Shuichi as a more than just a friend... so why couldn't he stop his hand from wandering down between his legs, gently taking his length into his hand and stroking himself as he closed his eyes with a shaky sigh. 

Despite feeling nothing but fucked up for caving into his own lust, he continued pumping himself in his hand, trying to focus on anything except for Saihara as he fixated on the water from the shower head swirling down the drain. It seemed like the more he actively tried to avoid thoughts of the other, the more he came to mind. Kokichi instantly gave in, thinking about their 'date' last night and how Shuichi had paid for his ice cream, asked him questions about his life, and even sat next to him on that park bench while they watched the sun set together. He squeezed his eyes shut, quickly jerking himself off while thinking about Saihara and imagining what it would be like if it was his hand wrapped around his cock instead of his own. Ouma whimpered softly, trying to keep as quiet as possible as he got himself off to thoughts of the boy.

He had officially detached himself from his feelings of guilt for thinking about Shuichi like this as he worked his shaft up and down in his hand, already feeling himself on the border of release. It wouldn't be too much longer now... He closed his eyes again with a short huff, picturing what Saihara would do to him in his own fantasy-- What it would be like to kiss him and feel his lips against his own. How Saihara would probably be so sweet and say the most affirming things to him while making sure that he met his needs. He frantically pumped his length in his hand, with Shuichi being the only thing on his mind as he began to succumb to his desires. It was too much, the buildup becoming too much for him to handle as he suddenly felt hot all over, the warm feeling pooling in his core spilling out of its nonexistent containment as he peaked, cumming hard on the shower floor. Kokichi opened his eyes, sucking in a breath of air, realizing he hadn't been breathing properly for... however long. He watched as the water washed his cum down the drain and he groaned quietly, feeling disgusted with himself for taking things this far.

He couldn't believe he just made himself cum thinking about Saihara-kun like that. He didn't even know the boy well enough to have feelings for him, so he couldn't explain how things had escalated like this. At the same time, Ouma tried reasoning with himself that it was only because Shuichi was the first person in a very long time who had shown him kindness and that he was just confused and not used to having someone like that in his life. He was so lonely before he met Saihara-- But now, it was like some void in his life was filled and he was just using Shuichi to fill other parts of his life too. It made sense when he thought about it like that, but he still didn't feel like any less of a degenerate for it.

Kokichi turned off the faucet and grabbed his towel, drying his damp hair before starting on his body. He wrapped the towel around himself and began brushing his teeth, avoiding making eye contact with his own reflection in the mirror, still feeling ashamed of himself. Afterwards, he collected his clothing off the floor and quickly made his way out of the bathroom and down the hallway to his bedroom. He closed his door behind him and walked over to his laundry basket to drop in his pajamas from last night. Ouma glanced over at his phone sitting where he'd left it on his nightstand, being hit with another deep pang of guilt for what he'd done in the shower... He set his towel on his bed and started getting dressed instead of checking for messages from Saihara, slipping into his underwear first before he put on a clean black t-shirt with a simple thick grey stripe across the chest. 

He had already started feeling a bit better now that he was partially dressed. Kokichi stepped into a pair of distressed jeans with several holes in the legs before walking over to his closet to pick out some accessories he could wear. He grabbed a chain for his wallet and a white bandana with a black star print on it. Ouma quickly grabbed his wallet from his nightstand and attached the chain to it while hooking the other end to his jeans, stuffing his wallet in his back pocket. Lastly, he tied the bandana around his neck before reaching for his cellphone next to his bed.

The first thing he did was check the chat app for any messages from Saihara. But he hadn't messaged him at all. Kokichi frowned, opening up the Fanganronpa forum to see if maybe Shuichi had written him there, but once again, he had no new replies. He sighed, putting his phone in his pocket, deciding to go to the kitchen to look for something to eat to distract himself from his lack of messages. He headed out to the kitchen, finding his mother working at the counter with her back to him. He instantly froze, trying to think of how he could avoid a conversation with her, at the same time feeling nervous that he didn't currently know where his father was. Ouma silently continued towards the door, deciding that if he was really hungry, he could grab something while he was out.

“Ko-chan.” he heard from the kitchen, stopping him dead in his tracks.

He had nearly made it out too... “Yes?” he answered gruffly, focusing on his shoes sitting in the entrance hallway. He hurried over, putting them on as quickly as he could manage to do so.

“Will you be home for dinner?” she asked delicately, her saccharine tone doing nothing but piss him off. 

Kokichi opened the front door and stepped outside, firmly pulling it closed behind him as he ran out the front gate and towards the inner city. Once he made it a few blocks he stopped running, not that he actually believed that his mother would have gone after him, but he needed to get away from there as fast as possible. Nothing his mother could say to him would ever warrant a response from him and he honestly felt she was lucky he chose to speak to her at all these days. After everything that-- Ouma shook his head to himself as he walked down the sidewalk. He didn't want to think about his parents right now. Things were finally getting better for him and the last thing he wanted to do was to bring his mood down.

As he arrived closer to the outskirts of town, he walked over to the nearest convenience store to pick up something for breakfast. After looking through the aisles for a moment, he opted on getting a melonpan and a milk tea. Probably not the best breakfast ever, but it was good enough for him. Kokichi paid for his items and stood outside the store, trying to unwrap the bread with one hand as he held the bottle of milk tea in the other. Frustrated with the difficulty he was having, he balanced the tea between his legs to hold it steady and finally managed to open the wrapper, taking a bite of the sweet bread. It was so needed after having not eaten anything since yesterday night. His phone beeped as a new message came in and holding the melonpan in his mouth, he checked his phone to see that Saihara had sent him a text. 

“Mnn!” he inadvertently made some kind of muffled noise in excitement. Feeling embarrassed, he looked around at his surroundings, grateful that no one was around at the moment to witness it. He read the message.

>> ouma-kun! what are we doing today?! (*°▽°*) 

He felt a fluttering feeling in his chest after reading the message-- To feel automatically included like this was amazing. He replied immediately.

<< Hmm, we could watch some Danganronpa if you're up to it!

He sent the message, taking another bite of his breakfast while he waited for Saihara's answer.

>> Should I come over to your house?

His heart felt heavy reading the message. This was horrible and it would feel weird denying the boy's request, but there was no way they could ever go to his place to do anything.

<< well, im not actually home atm

He hovered his finger over the send button for a brief second before pressing it with a disappointed sigh. It wasn't long before Saihara had written him back.

>> oh, I see. When will you be home then?

Ugh. He supposed that he needed to just tell him what was going on. Kokichi didn't think that Shuichi would judge him for anything, so maybe there would be no harm in being somewhat honest about things.

<< not til later. Im actually not really getting along with my parents today

There was a brief moment where Ouma felt a bit worried that he mentioned his parents at all, not that he could take it back now or anything.

>> oh i'm sorry.

_What was he supposed to say to that?_ He read the message another couple of times, taking another bite of his bread as he considered what he could say in response to Saihara's message. His phone pinged again before he could come up with a reply.

>> maybe you'd feel better coming over to my house? My parents are out visiting relatives so you wont have to worry about not getting along with them at least! lol

Ouma smiled as he read Shuichi's lighthearted message to him. It was a relief knowing that the other seemed to have his back, coming up with a solution to the problem for him as if it were nothing. He was so reliable. He wrote him back.

<< yeah! that sounds great! 

Saihara immediately texted him back with his address. Kokichi put the address into his GPS and it calculated the distance, determining that it would take approximately 30 minutes to arrive by train. He needed to update Shuichi and let him know.

<< 30 min eta should I leave now?

>> sure, whenever you like

Ouma scarfed down the remainder of the melonpan before opening his milk tea and quickly downing half of the beverage. He stared at the half-empty container wistfully before he tossed it in the bin with the bread's cellophane wrapper. He didn't have time to finish it and didn't want to carry it with him, so it had to go. He opened up the messaging app to write to Shuichi one last time before he left.

<< OK! omw now~ ☆ﾐ(o*･ω･)ﾉ 

The nearest train station was only a few minutes away on foot and he headed there right away, excited to get the chance to see Saihara-kun again for the second day in a row. At the same time, he couldn't help but to feel remorse over how he'd used thoughts of Saihara to get himself off in the shower earlier. He was probably the worst friend ever and if Shuichi knew how he _really_ was, he would likely want nothing to do with him. He tried to brush the thoughts aside as he entered the train station, scanning his pass in the turnstile and heading for the platform.

\---

As Ouma arrived at Saihara's house, he double checked the address in the GPS to ensure that he had the right place. It was in an unfamiliar part of the city, despite how he'd lived here his entire life so part of him wondered if maybe he was in the wrong area for some reason. He hesitantly approached the front door and knocked twice, waiting for Saihara to answer. The sound of shuffling coming from inside grew louder as someone reached the door, unlocking it from the inside. The door opened and Shuichi stood in front of Kokichi in the doorway wearing a quarter sleeve white shirt with black sleeves and faded grey jeans. He noticed how Saihara was wearing the same hat he wore yesterday and wondered if it was part of his everyday attire, though it did seem to suit him.

The taller boy smiled warmly at Ouma, who looked up at him and instantly could think of nothing except the shower incident, feeling his face growing hot as he stared into Saihara's eyes. He wanted to forget it ever happened and move on.

“Hi.” Ouma said shyly, nervously averting his gaze.

“Hey, Ouma-kun.” Shuichi greeted him, opening the door widely to invite him inside. “Come in.” his curiosity was piqued by Kokichi's anxious behavior. He knew the smaller boy was a bit fidgety at times, but he didn't expect him to come across that way so soon into their get together.

Kokichi stepped inside the hallway to take off his shoes by the door as the other locked the door behind them. He found it somewhat strange that he kept the door locked during the day when he was home, but figured maybe Saihara just felt more secure doing so, especially considering his parents weren't home. He suddenly noticed just how dark it was inside the house despite it being daytime. It was as if all the curtains were drawn over the windows and the lights were off. Maybe Saihara preferred the dark for some reason. He didn't think much of it, glancing over at Shuichi, who seemed to be watching him carefully, like he was studying him.

“I'm glad you decided to come over today.” he said casually, resting his back against the front door.

“It's no problem, Saihara-kun.” he replied, feeling awkward suddenly. It was as if there was some sort of tension in the air and he wondered why Shuichi had yet to invite him into his room or beyond where they stood in the dark hallway.

He took a step towards Ouma now, closing the distance between them. “I'm sorry about your parents.”

“O-oh, it's alright. It's always like this.” he wanted to laugh it off or smile, but he couldn't. There was nothing inherently wrong with the way that Shuichi was speaking to him, but he couldn't brush off how uncomfortable he felt, taking a small step back to give himself some distance from the taller boy.

“So,” Saihara started, taking another step towards Ouma, completely disregarding the fact that he'd moved away from him in the first place. “I guess they have no idea where you are right now then?” he asked curiously, glancing over at the shorter boy and watching him closely to gauge the boy's reaction to his question. He was so much smaller than Saihara and he seemed naive and vulnerable. Shuichi was torn between feeling like Ouma was someone that he wanted to protect and someone who could easily become a victim. He didn't even care that Kokichi was a boy, Saihara couldn't deny that there was something about him that he found irresistible in a way that he couldn't rationalize with himself.

It was an out of place question that made Kokichi feel uneasy, wondering where Shuichi was going with it. He couldn't explain in words why it made him feel wrong, but there was something about the way that the other was slowly advancing towards him that made him freeze up. He tried chalking it up to his nerves getting the better of him. “Well, they...” Kokichi trailed off, realizing that actually, no. No one knew he was here, not that anyone would even care about anything that could potentially happen to him anyway.

He briefly thought about the question, unsure why it mattered at all when Shuichi moved towards him in an instant, pushing him against the wall in the hallway, pinning him between his arms. Kokichi's breath hitched, eyes wide and in mild shock from the abruptness of the taller boy's actions. He wondered if something bad was going to happen to him and that maybe Saihara wasn't as nice as he initially thought...

“That's probably pretty stupid, right?” Shuichi asked bluntly. “I mean, you don't even really know me. Anything could happen to you and no one would ever know.” he stared deeply into Kokichi's frightened eyes, who could only watch and hope for Saihara to move and let him go without hurting him.

Ouma felt legitimately afraid now, becoming aware of how fast his heart was suddenly racing. “I just wanted to b-be your friend- I d-don't have any- any friends.” he stammered desperately, trying to reason with Saihara as he squeezed his eyes shut and imagined that he was anywhere else but here right now.

Saihara moved his arm, cupping Kokichi's chin in his hand, examining his tense expression while observing the look of panic on his face. “I want to be your friend, Ouma-kun.” Shuichi watched the smaller boy who seemed to recoil at his touch alone, which only drew a smile from his lips from the other's anxious reaction. “Why don't you have friends?” he asked curiously.

Ouma opened his eyes hesitantly, glancing up at Saihara who still had him pinned securely against the wall with his leg pressed up between Ouma's thighs. This entire situation was overwhelmingly unnerving to him and he didn't have any idea how to answer. He stared blankly at the taller boy, somehow afraid and unsure how to reply to his question. Kokichi thought that saying less was better right now, not wanting to do anything to provoke Saihara further.

“It's alright. I'm not going to hurt you or anything.” Saihara disclaimed calmly, finally moving away from Ouma, picking up on the boy's clear discomfort in his forwardness.

Kokichi exhaled loudly once the other released him, feeling a huge sense of relief that he had decided to let him go, but at the same time feeling confused as to why Shuichi had pushed him against the wall out of nowhere like that in the first place.

Though Saihara did find it kind of _appealing_ in some way that Ouma came across as shy and frail, he didn't want him to be distressed by his behavior and he was well aware that maybe he had taken things a bit too far, getting caught in the moment. Even still, he couldn't deny that he was very interested in Ouma-kun and looked forward to getting to know him better. “Come on.” he said, taking Kokichi by the hand and leading him towards his bedroom while the shorter boy reluctantly followed, though he didn't have much of a choice as Shuichi was intent on dragging him along either way.

Kokichi could only assume this was Shuichi's room when they entered the dimly lit space judging by the staggering amount of Danganronpa merchandise littering the room. He glanced around, relieved that Saihara seemed to have backed down from what had happened in the hallway, but at the same time he could only feel nervous that things may escalate again. He was left feeling confused now, wondering just what Saihara's intentions with him were.

“I didn't mean to scare you before.” Shuichi stated, in some form of an apology, Ouma could only speculate. “I tend to get a bit... passionate about subjects that I find to be interesting.” he laughed softly, casually adjusting his hat and brushing his hair from his face, as if this were some kind of normal occurrence for him.

_Subjects he finds interesting? Did he find Kokichi to be an interesting subject in that case?_ Ouma felt only slightly better hearing Shuichi somewhat justify his behavior, though he still couldn't help but to feel cautious and on guard being alone with Saihara like this. “Um,” Kokichi finally spoke, “that's alright.” he said quietly, looking down at the floor for some kind of distraction from this bizarre conversation. 

“I want to learn more about you though.” Shuichi said, taking a seat at his desk. “Sit down.” he gestured towards his bed. He felt excited to finally get the chance to learn more about Ouma and hoped the boy would be open to telling him about his life.

Kokichi immediately obeyed, sitting on the edge of the bed near the foot of it. “What did you w-want to know?” he asked, shyly glancing over at Saihara, who was watching him attentively. It made him feel awkward and it seemed more like he was being interviewed than participating in a conversation. On top of everything, Ouma still felt like his heart was beating out of his chest from before and he needed more time before he would feel calm again.

“You said you don't have friends, but you never answered me when I asked why- So you can start there.”

He had no idea how to even begin explaining this part of his life to someone like Saihara. And even if he did, he wasn't sure he wanted him to know at this point. He was beginning to have doubts about the boy and that maybe he wasn't quite the person that he depicted himself to be last night. Besides, Ouma had only admitted he had no friends because it just sort of slipped out in a moment of panic. Kokichi cast his eyes down, feeling embarrassed by the question and he felt his face start to flush a soft pinkish hue as he tried to find the right words to say. “... I don't really know.” he wanted to change the subject, but didn't know what else to talk about with the other.

“Are you bullied at school or something?” Shuichi asked inquisitively, despite the fact that the question was quite insensitive.

Ouma looked up suddenly, in mild shock that he would ask such a forward and personal question like that. 

“I mean, you're way smaller than most guys our age, so I could definitely see you getting picked on regularly.” he said nonchalantly, leaning back in his chair.

_Did he have no filter at all?_ “That's...” Kokichi started, trying to find some excuse he could come up with, but he went blank. 

Saihara suddenly stood up from his chair. “I would want to protect you though. It's too bad we don't go to the same school.” he walked over to his bed, sitting down next to Kokichi, who immediately tensed up, expecting another rehash of what happened in the hallway. “Maybe you should just kill them.” he added casually.

“W-what?” he stammered, having trouble processing literally everything that Shuichi was saying to him.

“The people that are making your life so unbearable- Just kill them.” he reiterated, looking over at the smaller boy to evaluate his reaction to his 'advice'.

Kokichi sighed hopelessly. “If only life could be more like Danganronpa.” it would certainly be nice if it were true. You didn't have to be the strongest person to come up with crazy and elaborate murders in the show... As much as he loved watching it, he knew that it was far from how real life worked.

Shuichi laughed, “I was only kidding, but I know what you mean.” his eyes were glued to Kokichi exclusively. He couldn't stop staring at him, just the way that he spoke so softly and how he seemed so uncertain with himself in general. Shuichi was sure that he could manage to help him if Ouma would let him.

Kokichi most definitely noticed that he had the taller boy's undivided attention, feeling awkward about the boy's gaze on him. Saihara was clearly a fairly strange person... but at the same time, this was the first one-on-one conversation Ouma had with another person his age in a long time now and he found himself wondering if maybe he was being a little too judgmental in finding Shuichi to be a little bit weird. With just how everyone else treated him, he couldn't deny that there was something comforting about being around someone who seemed so interested in him-- Even if he expressed it in unusual ways. Besides, so far, everything else he'd experienced with Saihara had been fine. It was just the occurrence in the hallway that he was concerned about so did he have a real reason to be worried?

“Hmm,” Saihara continued, “it must be hard getting bullied at school and then going home to a dysfunctional family.” he mused. He was being a little hard on Kokichi, but he figured that he could get him to open up with him this way if he caught him off guard. Saihara didn't think that Ouma would be honest with him otherwise.

Ouma was taken aback by his bluntness, once again feeling at a loss for words. He would never have expected the same Saihara he'd met with last night to talk to him quite like this...

Shuichi laughed suddenly. He couldn't deny that he enjoyed seeing Ouma become flustered like this. There was something he found strangely cute about it and it only inspired him to try to evoke more of a reaction out of the other, even though he didn't quite understand why he was feeling so strongly for him. He ignored the thought, choosing to instead see how far he could push things with the boy. “But maybe I'm just reading things wrong.”

“It's not like that...” Kokichi quietly denied it. If he denied it, he didn't have to come to terms with it.

“Oh. So you're saying that I got it all wrong then? That's too bad since I like to think I have a lot in common with detective characters and have a good sense for these types of things.”

Ouma looked down, feeling suddenly insecure and somewhat exposed. Was Shuichi just making conversation with him or did he have some other reason for making insensitive remarks about his personal life?

“Tell me about your life at school and at home then.” he didn't expect Kokichi to actually answer, but he figured that it was at least worth a shot.

It was almost as if he was getting something out of watching his growing discomfort. Ouma didn't want to believe that this was in Saihara's nature and he was definitely misinterpreting things due to his own poor social skills. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, coming to terms with the fact that he couldn't see how he had any option but to give in, as he usually did. “No, you're right.” he admitted finally. “I don't have any friends and I get picked on at school nearly every day. It's... it's really awful, honestly. I'm pretty sure that my parents resent me and they wish that I was never born. But it's okay, because I feel the same way most days.” he looked up at Saihara, who was watching him with a serious look on his face, as if he was taking in every word he'd said. Ouma wasn't sure why he'd opened up with him so suddenly, but the words sort of just spilled out once he started talking. He didn't exactly regret it though, feeling a sense of relief getting it off his chest and being able to tell someone how he felt for the first time.

“That's-” Saihara began, shaking his head. It wouldn't be a lie that he was stunned that he'd told him as much as he had. He actually felt... badly for him. “Ouma-kun, that can't possibly be true.” he said softly.

“It's true.” Ouma involuntarily laughed, even though he failed to find the humor in the situation. He continued, “I'm pathetic.”

“Don't say that.” Shuichi scolded him. 

Kokichi was somewhat shocked that Saihara was defending him, even against his own words. It was like the taller boy had a switch in his head that would flip randomly to determine how he would treat him. He couldn't figure him out at all, only hoping that things would begin to become clearer as he got to know him better.

“But-” Ouma began.

“Listen.” Shuichi interjected quickly. “I wasn't going to tell anyone about this... but since we're friends, I'll show you.” he stood up from his bed, walking over to his desk and waking up his laptop. Saihara opened a tab on his browser, waving the smaller boy over to join him by his computer.

Ouma looked over apprehensively, wondering what this big secret that Saihara was willing to show him so suddenly was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be back in some amount of days with the next chapter!


	3. Automatism

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger/content warning for a certain scene in this chapter that is borderline noncon for a very brief moment. It deescalates before it gets severe, but everything that happens in this chapter is still really iffy, so if that's not your thing, you will probably enjoy the upcoming chapters even less than this one. Still, heavy dubcon ahead and throughout this fic.
> 
> Also, there's a very mild DR1 spoiler in this chapter. Just a heads up if you haven't played that game yet for whatever reason.

Kokichi stood up and headed over to the other, leaning over the desk, beginning to read what was on the screen before him. His eyes immediately lit up and he felt like he couldn't contain his excitement. The page was about how Team Danganronpa was taking applications for contestants on the 53rd season of the show. _Was this for real?!_ Ouma was so thrilled, he was almost shaking, feeling unbelievably overjoyed that Saihara had decided to share it with him. It was incredible.

“W-where did you find this?!” he exclaimed, reading through the page.

“Well, it's not being advertised or anything, strangely enough. I just happened to stumble across it and almost couldn't believe it myself, but I checked it out and it's legitimate.” he smiled softly watching the smaller boy's overly excited reaction to the website.

If Ouma were to be selected, all of his problems would go away in an instant. He continued skimming through the details of the application process.

“So, you just have to email them a short cover letter explaining why you would be a good candidate. If they choose you, they'll follow up with a request to conduct a video interview.” Saihara explained.

“When's the deadline?” Kokichi asked curiously, hoping that he'd have time to get everything together to apply.

“In a little under a week now.”

“T-thank you for showing me this. Did you already apply?” he asked, glancing over at the taller boy.

“Of course I did. I think they're waiting until the application deadline to decide who'll be chosen for the video interviews and then pick the actual contestants from there.”

“I'm so excited...” Ouma said, feeling optimistic about things. “This could be life changing.” he sighed, eyes glued to the screen in front of him.

“I know, right?” Saihara laughed in agreement. “Wouldn't it be crazy if we both got selected?”

Kokichi smiled at the unlikely thought of them competing together. “You'd probably kill me right away.” he snickered, glancing over at the other who seemed to be fascinated by the idea. “Though, even if I died first, I wouldn't even care. Just getting to be a part of it...” Ouma sighed dreamily. It was too true for words. Being dead and having been a part of the most significant thing in his entire life was so much better than going on existing in this miserable, cruel world.

“I feel the same way about it. But I'm really determined to become the blackened, mostly.” Saihara said thoughtfully.

“Aah, that would be so amazing. Just think of all the unique ways that you'd get to kill someone.”

“I've been thinking about it nonstop, honestly. I have most of the details worked out already, so I hope they pick me so it doesn't all go to waste.” Shuichi said with a subtle frown.

“Don't worry, Saihara-kun. They'll pick you for sure, I just know it!” Ouma did his best to try to cheer the other up, since he seemed a bit dejected at the thought of not being selected for the show.

“Thanks.” he smiled softly at the smaller boy, feeling slightly better after his pep talk. Just observing and spending time around Kokichi made him feel an inexplicable fondness for the other-- It made him feel somewhat uncomfortable and he shook the thought away immediately, not wanting to confront his own thoughts on the matter.

“Yeah, haha.” Ouma said with a nod. “Umm, did you want to watch Danganronpa now?” he asked inquisitively.

“Oh, right. I guess that's why you came over, after all.” Shuichi replied coolly.

“Err, well... We don't _have_ to watch or anything. I really just wanted to hang out with you.” the smaller boy admitted.

“I didn't mean anything by it.” Saihara said, subtly glancing his way. “We can watch as long as you pick a season.”

_He had to choose?_ Ugh, he hoped that he would pick one that Saihara actually enjoyed. “Season... Um. Season nine?” he suggested, already doubting his own choice.

“Aah, okay. Why season nine?”

“Well... It just has one of my favorite openers. The characters are okay on their own, but I like how they interact with each other, especially when they find out they're stuck in a killing game.”

“That makes sense.” Saihara shrugged, disconnecting the charging adapter from his laptop and moving the computer from his desk to the bed. “Go ahead and get comfortable.”

“O-oh.” Kokichi murmured to himself. He shouldn't be surprised they'd be on the bed to watch the show in his room and all. _Where else would they watch using a laptop anyway?_ He climbed onto the mattress, sitting with his back against the wall, crossing his legs on the comforter. 

Saihara joined him, taking the spot next to him, pulling his computer across the bed to the space in front of them. After adjusting the screen, he opened a folder on his desktop and navigated through it until he clicked on a file, starting up the first episode of season nine.

Kokichi couldn't help but to feel somewhat distracted being this close to Shuichi like this. He was grateful for a break in conversation, all the same, hoping that the boy's good side would continue to show as he found himself really enjoying his company when he wasn't coming across as so intimidating. He couldn't just ignore when Saihara had pinned him to the wall, almost threateningly, and for some strange reason, he felt his face flushing at the thought. The intro theme played in the background and Kokichi desperately tried to pay attention to the show instead of his wandering thoughts. Ouma couldn't stop himself from constantly glancing over at Saihara, who seemed to be focused on the episode. Now was definitely not the time for him to be the one to make things weird... He tried forcing himself to focus on the laptop screen, but he found himself unable to stop fidgeting.

Saihara pressed the pause button on his laptop, looking his way. “Is everything alright?” he asked, sounding almost concerned.

“H-huh?” Kokichi stammered, straightening his posture as if he could somehow fool the other into thinking he'd been sitting still the entire time.

“You seem distracted.” Saihara mused. It was strange to him that Ouma-kun was the one who had suggested they watch Danganronpa, but couldn't even pay attention now that they had started. He wondered if he had something on his mind, but disregarded the thought entirely, writing it off as another one of the smaller boy's quirks.

“Sorry, it's fine- I'm sorry.” he frantically apologized, hoping that Shuichi would just get back to it and ignore him.

“Hm, if you say so.” Saihara pressed play and resumed the show.

He was definitely distracted, Saihara was right. He looked Shuichi's way again, only to find that the boy was already watching him, as if he had anticipated him stealing glances. Kokichi felt his face turning red suddenly, unsure of what he should say, but Saihara spoke before he could say anything.

“Is the show not holding your interest? We can do something else.” he offered, taking note of the deep blush spreading across his cheeks. “Ouma-kun, you're blushing.” Saihara observed. It maybe wasn't very tactful to call him out for something so out of his control, but... he couldn't resist.

Somehow, things had gotten worse now, and he found himself feeling flustered by Shuichi's words. No matter what, Ouma didn't want the taller boy to ever find out that he had a particularly unusual set of feelings about him-- Feelings that even he himself was conflicted about, unsure how he would even go about explaining them. But so far, he wasn't doing a very good job hiding his confusing emotions.

“Why's that?” Saihara asked casually, following up with his previous statement that Ouma had failed to reply to. He somehow managed to not smirk as he spoke, despite how amused he was at the smaller boy's reaction to his subtle remarks. He decided to wait patiently to give him a moment to respond this time.

Ouma stared at Saihara in near disbelief that he'd legitimately ask him _why_ he was blushing. It was like he was calling him out for everything that Kokichi had feared. He needed to say something, anything. “It... It just happens s-sometimes.” he stuttered. Okay, it was easily the lamest thing he could have possibly come up with.

Shuichi couldn't stop the grin from spreading across his face now. “Alright.” he said plainly, accepting Ouma's weak excuse. He probably shouldn't continue to press the issue, but he couldn't deny that he wanted to have more fun with him and take things further. With just how enamored he was becoming with Ouma-kun, it was hard to resist taking the opportunity to make him uncomfortable when he reacted the way he did. Saihara felt like all things considered, he'd been more than kind and accommodating to the shorter boy, so when the idea he'd just come up with crept into his mind, it seemed impossible to just ignore it. It was just a matter of setting the entire situation up properly.

“Hey, Ouma-kun?” he closed his laptop, gently bringing the screen down towards the keyboard. “Have you ever tried cosplay before?”

“Oh, I haven't actually.” he said thoughtfully, wondering where the question was coming from and why it was so urgent that he'd decided to stop watching Danganronpa to ask. “Not that I think it's boring or lame or anything like that.” Kokichi quickly added, not wanting to imply that he felt as if the hobby was something to look down on. Even still, he couldn't imagine Saihara being the type that enjoyed cosplaying, so it was strange that he asked about it.

Shuichi sat upright on his bed suddenly, perking up. “Do you want to try it?”

“Ahn, right now? I don't know, Saihara-kun.” Ouma shifted awkwardly on the mattress. He wasn't sure if this was something he wanted to get into this instant and he didn't know if he would be comfortable dressing up in the boy's room anyway.

“It'll be fun, come on.” Shuichi insisted with a friendly smile.

“Umm...” Kokichi found it hard to say no when Saihara was being so nice about things and just trying to introduce him to his hobbies. “What character did you have in mind?” he asked timidly, wringing his hands nervously.

“I'll give you a clue. It's a Danganronpa season one character. Oh, but I don't have a wig or anything, so you'll just have to make your natural hair work.” he grinned, reaching over and playing with a piece of Ouma's hair with the sole intent to evoke a reaction from the shorter boy. He was content to see Kokichi slightly flinch as he came into contact with him. It wasn't that he wanted Ouma to be afraid of him or anything, but he couldn't deny that he enjoyed having that kind of control over another person-- To have them react so excessively to a simple touch or remark.

That narrowed it down quite a bit, but it still could be any character from the first season, which didn't help him that much. “Is it a survivor, blackened, or victim?” Ouma asked curiously, hoping that Saihara would give him just a little more information to go off of.

“That's way too much of a hint.” Saihara shook his head, refusing to answer. “Are you going to do it or not?” he huffed, just wanting him to agree to it up front before having to give him any more detail. He knew there was no way he'd agree if he just told the boy flat out.

Ouma sat on the bed thinking about it some more. It sounded like Saihara was almost getting frustrated with his hesitation in cooperating, which was intimidating to him. He felt like maybe it would be best to comply. _How bad could a little cosplay be anyways?_ “I-I'll do it.” he agreed meekly with a quick nod.

“Great! Let me get the costume for you.” he stood up abruptly, picking up his laptop off the bed and setting it back on his desk before walking over to his closet.

“So, um, will you tell me the character now?”

“You already agreed to do it, so it doesn't really matter, does it?” Shuichi was sifting through the back of his closet as he spoke to the boy, looking for where he could have hidden the costume. It wasn't exactly something he was proud of having, despite it being something relating to Danganronpa. “Ah, found it.” he said to himself, stepping out into his bedroom with the costume in hand.

Ouma suddenly felt nervous and as Saihara stood in front of him holding the outfit he expected him to wear, he felt his face burning at the thought of it alone. “F-Fujisaki Chihiro?” he stammered, staring at the skirt in disbelief. “Erm, w-why do you even have a costume like this, Saihara-kun?”

“Well... It was for my girlfriend, but she refused to wear it, so I broke up with her.” he said nonchalantly, though he was a bit annoyed that Ouma had even asked him in the first place. As if Shuichi would ever be caught dead wearing a skirt himself, if Kokichi was trying to imply that he had bought it for himself or something. “It'll probably fit you just fine because you're so small.”

Ouma wondered if there was more to Saihara's story about his girlfriend and if they really had broken up just because she wouldn't wear a costume for him... but he shook the thought away, deciding that it wasn't his place to think about someone else's personal life like that, whether or not Saihara had dug into Ouma's own life quite extensively today. “Do I have to do this?” Kokichi whined softly, unsure if he was prepared to wear a skirt, but especially in front of someone that he hardly knew. Part of it seemed cruel, as if it was just some new way to bully him and make him feel badly about himself. He felt his eyes watering up at the thought of it, being reminded of the torment that he went through on a near daily basis.

“I thought that Fujisaki would be the perfect character for you. It just worked out that I had the costume. You have a lot in common with him considering he's a weaker character that was bullied as a child, just like you.” Saihara shrugged, laying the costume out on his bed.

Kokichi sighed a shaky sigh, closing his eyes. “It's just that... I've never worn anything like this before in my life.”

“But now you get to try something different and fun with your new friend. And since I'm your only friend, doesn't that automatically make us best friends?”

“Erm, it doesn't feel fun and I-” Kokichi tried explaining, but Shuichi quickly interrupted.

“Are you a liar, Ouma-kun?” Saihara snapped, beginning to feel annoyed with Ouma's reluctance to wear the costume. He wasn't asking him for much.

“N-no!” he instantly recoiled at the question, feeling slightly offended that Saihara would ask him that. But at the same time, he did agree before he had the details, so did he have anyone to blame but himself?

“Then you should have no problem at least trying it on.” Shuichi insisted with a scowl.

There seemed to be no getting around it. Kokichi wasn't sure why Saihara was so adamant about getting him to try cosplay, but he reasoned with himself that he could just do it for a few minutes and then change out of it. Then maybe they could go back to watching Danganronpa and he could forget about the whole ordeal. “Okay.” Kokichi finally replied softly, looking down at his feet.

“Go ahead.” Shuichi said plainly, sitting back down in the chair at his desk. 

Ouma stood up from the mattress, picking up the costume and looking it over with a quiet sigh before he started getting undressed. He glanced over at Saihara who seemed to be glued to his phone, scrolling through something-- Probably the Fanganronpa forum. He was relieved that he wasn't watching him change or something weird like that, feeling awful that he even thought that Saihara would be the type to do something like that in the first place. With every part of the costume he put on, he only felt his face grow redder and he saved the skirt for last, tucking the shirt into it and reaching around the back to zip it up but... he couldn't manage to pull the zipper up from its position on the skirt.

“Ahh, Saihara-kun...” Kokichi said softly, grabbing the other's attention immediately. “The zipper is stuck, I think.”

Shuichi stared at Kokichi in costume, as if something had awakened inside him and he didn't answer the smaller boy for a moment. “Let me help you.” he finally said quietly, stuffing his phone in his pocket and walking behind Ouma to assist him with his zipper problem.

Kokichi stood still, waiting for Shuichi's help, feeling the taller boy fiddling with the zipper on the skirt and pulling it up. But then... he felt Shuichi's hands trailing gently against the fabric until they found their way to his hips, slightly gripping him. “S-Saihara-kun?!” Kokichi exclaimed, trying to pull away from him, but he was holding him steady.

“You really look just like a girl wearing this...” he observed, looking down at the shorter boy. It was really impressive to him just how feminine and delicate Kokichi managed to look in the costume. He was the perfect Fujisaki, even without a wig. Instantly, Saihara felt the urge to feel him closer to him and as much as his head was telling him how wrong it was to actually want to touch another boy like this, he couldn't help himself. He moved his hands around the other's waist, pulling him in closely and holding him against his body.

Kokichi could only squirm as Saihara held him, but it was for nothing as Shuichi seemed determined to not let go of him. He felt himself freeze up now, much like the times in school when he was singled out by his classmates, though somehow this felt worse because it was coming from someone that he wanted to believe was actually a friend. He couldn't speak, instead coming to terms with the fact that Shuichi honestly would be able to do whatever he wanted to him and there was nothing he could do about it. 

The taller boy slowly slid a hand up, resting his palm against Kokichi's neck, applying gentle pressure to his throat. Ouma was sure that this was the part where Saihara would choke him to death and do who knows what with his dead body, but he didn't, he just held onto Ouma, who could do nothing in return but stay perfectly still, pressed up against Shuichi. Kokichi could hear his own heartbeat along with Saihara's steady breathing in the otherwise dead silence of the room.

Finally, Shuichi moved his hand from Kokichi's throat and he could only exhale a relieved but shaky sigh as the other trailed his fingers along his chest, toying with the drawstring bow around his neck. With no warning, he moved both hands to the smaller boy's shoulders, roughly shoving him face first onto his mattress. Kokichi quickly lost his balance, falling onto the bed. He immediately rolled over onto his back, being faced with Saihara who was watching him with a predatory look in his eyes. Kokichi grabbed the hem of his skirt, holding it against his knees which he had closed together trying to keep himself as modest as possible as Shuichi stepped up to the edge of his bed. 

Saihara easily pried his legs apart, sliding his hand under Kokichi's skirt along his thigh underneath the thick fabric. He couldn't resist putting his hands on him, despite Ouma's protests, it was becoming too much for him as he couldn't ignore his erection straining against his slacks. He couldn't think clearly anymore, he just needed more and didn't care if Kokichi didn't want it or that he was a guy, everything else about him looked like a girl and that was good enough for him. With his free hand, Shuichi quickly removed his phone from his pocket and snapped several photos of Ouma looking so defenseless and fragile.

Ouma's eyes went wide at the idea of there being pictures of him wearing a skirt and being touched like this potentially circulating around the internet. He honestly had no idea what Shuichi intended to do with the photos, but he was far more concerned about the taller boy advancing on him to ask. “Please, stop it, Saihara-kun.” Kokichi pleaded with him, grabbing Shuichi's wrist and yanking his hand out from under the skirt.

Saihara looked at Ouma, anger flashing across his expression for a brief moment before he seemed to collect himself. “Um. Why?” he asked, sounding genuinely bewildered.

Kokichi stared at him, perplexed. It was as if no one had ever told him 'no' in his entire life and he really didn't see how it was possible that Kokichi was uncomfortable with this. He let go of Shuichi's wrist finally after realizing he was still holding onto him. “It's just that I've never done this before.” he explained, voice weak and soft. 

“But you've done a lot of things today that you've never tried before. Like meeting someone in person from the internet and cosplay.”

It wasn't a lie, but so far, all of these things had made him uncomfortable in some way, the problem stemming from Saihara himself. “I know, but-”

“What's the problem? Can you honestly tell me that any of this is worse than what you usually go through in a normal day?” He asked flatly, sitting down on the floor in front of his bed. Ouma had made it pretty clear that he had an awful life and Saihara couldn't understand how any of this would ever be worse than having zero friends or being bullied on a daily basis, more or less.

Kokichi sat up apprehensively, feeling vulnerable in his position on the bed lying back like he was. In some ways, Saihara had a point about how this couldn't possibly be worse than his usual life. But just because it could always be worse didn't make it okay in his mind. At the same time, he couldn't help but to feel like he owed it to Shuichi to do what he wanted simply because the other had acted at least somewhat friendly and engaging towards him in an attempt to be friends prior to this-- Regardless of the odd ways he chose to express himself. When it came down to it, he honestly didn't know Saihara well enough to know what he'd been through to make him the way he was and Ouma found himself questioning if maybe HE was the one who was being difficult, causing a problem for the other.

“Well?” Saihara asked, clearly expecting Ouma to give him some kind of answer.

Ouma didn't know how he was supposed to answer the question. All he could think about was just how pathetic his life was that he was in this position now because he felt so desperate for attention to the point that he had willingly put himself in such an awful situation in an attempt to make a friend. The familiar feeling of tears threatening his eyes was beginning to set in and before he knew it, he had lost control as tears spilled down his cheeks.

“W-why are you crying?” Shuichi was taken aback by the smaller boy's emotions seemingly getting the better of him so suddenly. He didn't feel as if he was asking him for much, so for him to cry full on like this was unexpected.

“I'm sorry.” Kokichi apologized, voice low, as he wiped his tears away with a sniffle. It wasn't his intention to come across as weak and pitiable, but it seemed like no matter what, that was just the only way he was able to portray himself.

“Ouma-kun.” Saihara crooned softly, gently stroking the boy's leg in an attempt to comfort him. “You don't have to cry. You could try to let me help you feel better about everything.”

Kokichi looked down at Shuichi finally, unsure if he even wanted the taller boy's help at this point. “I don't think there's anything that would make me feel better about my life...” it was difficult for him to admit it out loud like this, but that was truly how he felt.

Saihara was actually starting to feel a little badly for the boy with just how pitiful he seemed. As much as he wanted more details about Ouma's life, he decided to not ask him right now. “Let me help you.” Shuichi insisted. “As your best friend.” he added with a smile.

Ouma didn't have it in him to return the smile, instead wiping more tears away and trying to pull himself together. It was so humiliating to be seen crying in front of anyone, but especially considering he was still in this costume. He just wanted to change back into his own clothes, but feared that Saihara wouldn't let him for some reason-- Kokichi decided it wasn't even worth mentioning.

Shuichi studied Kokichi's face thoroughly as he cried, taking note of how helpless he looked at the moment. Everything about him was cute, even his tears, and he found himself really wanting to make the boy feel better... But he recognized he had his own needs as well and there was probably no way that he could convince Ouma to ever fulfill them. There may be something that he could do, even if it wasn't the fairest tactic to get what he wanted in the end. Saihara knew that he probably wasn't thinking clearly, his throbbing erection a clear reminder of that. He couldn't find it in himself to care anymore, justifying his plans for Kokichi being something he needed to go through with _to get what he wanted._

“I'll stop if you hate it, but I don't think that's going to happen if you give me a chance.” Saihara said, taking off his hat and tossing it on his bed. He picked up the hem of Ouma's skirt and crawled between his legs from his spot on the floor, listening to the sound of the boy's breath hitching as he did. Saihara pulled down Kokichi's underwear, removing it entirely before taking his soft cock into his hand, pumping him up and down slowly.

Ouma cried out at the unexpected contact, quickly covering his mouth in an attempt to stifle the sounds he was unable to stop himself from making. No one had ever touched him like this before and even though he wasn't sure how he felt about it, he could feel his length growing harder at the other's touch. Kokichi couldn't see anything Shuichi was doing to him from underneath the skirt, the anticipation of what could possibly happen next only leaving him with a strange sense of excitement that he felt ashamed about. He suddenly felt a wet heat enveloping him as Saihara took the boy's length into his mouth and Ouma could only grip the comforter with a groan as the overwhelming feeling hit him.

He could feel Shuichi's lips at work, listening to the sloppy sounds his mouth made as he worked him in deeper, only watching the skirt move as he bobbed up and down on his cock. Kokichi felt his entire body getting hot due to Saihara's performance and he was definitely flustered by the situation he'd found himself in, struggling to come to terms with the fact that in the very least, his body was definitely enjoying it. Saihara's hand gently fondled the smaller boy's balls, massaging the sensitive flesh as he sucked him off, the sudden touch causing him to suck in a shallow breath and bite his bottom lip in an attempt to silence himself. Ouma imagined for a moment that he could watch Shuichi doing all of this to him, quickly feeling ashamed at the thought of wishing for visual stimulation to go along with the feeling. He tilted his head back, looking up at the ceiling as he tried to clear his mind, though it was impossible to focus on anything aside from Saihara's lips wrapped around his cock.

His breath only grew more unsteady as Shuichi edged him along, the taller boy picking up his pace and making Ouma feel desperate to cum. Saihara removed himself from Kokichi's length, taking him in his hand and jerking him off as he drew his attention to his balls, gently sucking and licking as teasingly as he could manage. Ouma cried out at the foreign feeling, unable to deny how good it actually felt being touched like that. It was only a moment before Saihara returned his mouth to his cock, licking up the base of his shaft to the tip, sinking down to take his length in once again. His pace was excruciatingly slow, almost as if he didn't want him to cum just yet. Kokichi whined pleadingly, noticing that Shuichi didn't seem to care at all about what he wanted as he continued the agonizing pace, tonguing the tip of his cock while jerking him off slowly.

Ouma could feel the pressure built up inside of him, desperate for release and only needing the right pace to send him over the edge. “Please...” he begged, head swimming and thoughts muddled, letting go of his inhibitions and only caring about his own needs in the moment.

“You wanna cum?” Saihara asked coolly as he stroked Ouma slowly, occasionally taking his length back into his mouth to work him in and out. It had actually turned out for him better than he'd imagined. He just needed Kokichi to agree to do whatever he wanted in return for getting the smaller boy off. If he could get him to do that, then he wouldn't have to worry about Ouma's feelings in all of this. He would have already agreed, so it wouldn't matter what Shuichi decided to do with him in the end.

“Y-yes, Saihara-kun. Please let me.” Kokichi moaned, clutching the comforter tightly in his hands as if for some kind of support. Every part of him felt tense and strained and he just needed to cum-- It was all he could think about at this point.

“What do I get out of it?” Shuichi inquired, swallowing his length and causing the smaller boy to shiver and tremble from the stimulation.

Kokichi groaned, wishing for nothing else but for Saihara to move just a little bit faster, the only thing he needed to get his release. He didn't know what he could possibly do for Shuichi in exchange for the taller boy allowing him to cum, but at this point, he didn't even care what he would ask for, having clear leverage over him. Unable to think clearly, he answered, “Anything!”

Without a word, Saihara took him back into his mouth, quickly sucking him off as Kokichi almost instantly felt himself peak, the pleasure in his core washing through him as if it was rising out of him and he came with a strangled cry, cumming in Shuichi's mouth, immediately falling back onto the mattress.

Saihara took Ouma's cock from his mouth, swallowing his seed and coming out from underneath his skirt. He was definitely not used to the taste of cum or giving head, but if it meant that he could get what he wanted in the end, then he could justify doing it while ignoring the shame that he felt. Still, he found it somewhat unfortunate that he had to use a blowjob as a bargaining chip against the boy instead of Kokichi just cooperating with him in the first place. He knew that Ouma wasn't like that, for some reason, appreciating that he wasn't that type. He sighed to himself as he sat on the floor, trying to will his erection away, or in the very least, hoping that it wouldn't be too visible or that Kokichi just wouldn't notice it.

Ouma lied back on the bed, breathing softly and staring up at the ceiling as the reality descended in on him that he'd just agreed to do anything for Saihara and just how stupid he was for thinking with his dick. He agreed to do literally whatever he wanted... He closed his eyes, only waiting for Saihara to let him know what he decided that he'd have him to do for him. But that moment didn't come right away as Shuichi got up from where he sat on the floor and lied back on the bed next to Kokichi, leaving a decent amount of space between them. Ouma felt disconnected from everything, things being nothing as he would have imagined or wanted them to be like. It was more like a simple means to an end than an intimate moment they'd just shared for the first time.

“You can change now if you want to.” Saihara finally spoke, closing his eyes briefly to collect himself. He felt confused about what he'd just done, trying to reason with himself that it didn't really mean anything regarding his own sexuality. He wouldn't hold anything against Ouma-kun, as the shorter boy had made it pretty clear that he didn't intend to initiate any kind of contact with him. He was feeling frustrated, wondering if he should ask Kokichi to go home so he could have some time to himself or let him stay a bit longer. Shuichi thought he knew what he wanted from Ouma, but he felt himself having doubts, deciding that it would be best for him to redeem his 'favor' from the boy at a later time after he managed to navigate through his own feelings.

Kokichi said nothing, quietly getting up to quickly change back into his own clothes, relieved that he didn't have to wear the costume anymore today. He decided that cosplay wasn't for him and it was something he would likely never be interested in again. As he dressed himself, he looked over at Saihara, who seemed deep in thought. Naturally, he wondered what was going through the boy's head right now, but he wasn't sure he should be worrying about what Saihara was thinking when Ouma couldn't seem to sort out his own thoughts about what had happened. He finished getting dressed, tying his bandana around his neck and took a seat on the edge of the mattress, trying to think of what he should say to Shuichi to break the tension he felt between them. 

“So, um.” Ouma started, noticing that Saihara had looked his way as soon as he spoke, as if he had pulled him out of his own thoughts. “What is it exactly that you want me to do for you in return?” he asked, face flushing once again as he averted his gaze, feeling marginally ashamed of what had happened between them.

“Oh, that. I'll let you know when I think of something you can do for me.” he said indifferently, like it wasn't about a sexual favor or something. 

“O-okay.” Kokichi had nothing else to say. He just hoped that he would be capable of doing whatever it was that Saihara would eventually ask of him.

“Anyway,” Saihara began with a deep sigh. “have you calmed down enough to watch Danganronpa again? It was really distracting with you moving around so much before.”

“Sorry... and I hope so. I mean, I'm pretty sure.”

“Alright, season nine still?” he asked, standing up to grab his laptop off the desk where he'd placed it earlier. 

“That's fine.” Kokichi answered, moving back on the bed to the same position he'd been in before with his back to the wall. It only took a couple of seconds before Saihara joined him, setting up the computer on the bed so they could resume where they'd left off.

\---

One episode had turned three, then seven episodes and several snacks and drinks later before he knew it. Ouma glanced at his phone, checking the time and realizing that it was already past 1730, meaning that if he left right now, he wouldn't get home until after 1800. But Ouma supposed it wouldn't hurt to watch just one more. It wasn't like he had any reason to go home anyway, even though he found himself feeling exhausted after such an intense day with school looming over him. A few minutes into the episode and he'd just closed his eyes for a moment...

He opened his eyes to what only felt like seconds later, realizing that his head was resting against Saihara's shoulder. Kokichi sat up abruptly. “O-oh, sorry.” he apologized timidly, feeling guilty for passing out like that against the other. 

“I didn't mind or anything.” Shuichi said softly, settling his gaze on Ouma's face as the backlighting from the screen cast a faint glow across his skin and the walls around them.

Ouma hummed softly, once again checking the time on his cellphone to find that he'd fallen asleep for at least 20 minutes, missing most of the episode-- Not that it actually mattered since he'd obviously seen them all. But it seemed inconsiderate all the same to go visit a friend and wind up falling asleep like that. “It's getting kinda late.” Kokichi observed as the episode began to wrap itself up, coming to an end.

“I can walk with you to the train station if you'd like.”

The shorter boy was taken aback slightly by the offer. “I'll be okay, Saihara-kun.” he said with a smile, standing up from the bed as the ending theme played on the laptop. 

Shuichi watched as Kokichi stood up, stretching his arms over his head, his shirt riding up and exposing a sliver of pale skin on his stomach. He quickly averted his gaze, getting up off the bed while leaving his laptop on as it was now their only light source in the entirety of the house. Saihara walked into the hallway, flipping on a switch, instantly flooding the hall with light. Kokichi followed him out, heading towards the front door. 

Saihara unlocked the door as Ouma slipped his shoes on and he suddenly felt like he had more that he wanted to say to Kokichi, but knew he wouldn't be able to bring himself to talk about with him. At least not now. “Just, um. Can you let me know when you've made it home later?” he looked at the floor, unable to meet the other's gaze.

“Oh, sure.” Kokichi agreed with a subtle nod. Saihara opened the door and Ouma stepped out into the cool night air, wishing he'd brought something warmer to wear instead of just a simple t-shirt. 

“Be safe getting home.” Saihara added, standing in the doorway with his hands in his pockets as Kokichi walked out to the street.

“Have a good night, Saihara-kun.” Ouma said, walking off towards the train station.

Shuichi waited and watched until Kokichi was out of view entirely before he stepped back inside, closing the door and locking it behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha, omg Saihara is so unlikable, why did I write him like this?? It's too late to turn back now.


	4. Absolute Zero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW/CW: Upcoming suicidal ideation for a brief second; There's some heavy dubcon at the end of this chapter that will carry into the next chapter as well.

Kokichi groaned as he opened his eyes, sitting up at his desk, his back and neck aching from being slumped over on the hard surface. The sound of his phone beeping wouldn't stop blaring in his ear and he quickly grabbed the device, silencing it immediately. It was already Monday morning and he'd apparently fallen asleep at his computer last night as he was writing up his cover letter for his audition to be on Danganronpa. In the very least, he felt like he had a good start so far and just needed to reread what he'd written and make a few adjustments before he was ready to send it off. He idly checked his phone, realizing that his battery was only at 23% and he needed to charge it or else it wouldn't last him through the day. He quickly plugged it in, standing up from his chair and walked over to his closet to change into his uniform.

Even just looking at his school uniform gave him anxiety and knowing that he had to go to _that place_ was the worst feeling. Kokichi began getting dressed, more slowly than usual, before he rummaged through his school bag, checking to make sure he had all his books and supplies for the day. Since everything seemed to be in order, he wandered down the hall to the kitchen to have breakfast. He was grateful that he had the house to himself in the mornings, making things much less stressful before he had to go into school. It didn't take long before he was finishing up, hurriedly washing the dishes so that he could brush his teeth and continue getting ready. He finished his routine with time to spare, walking back into his bedroom to grab his phone, house key, wallet, and school bag so he could leave for the day.

Ouma put his shoes on by the front door, checking his phone's battery and noting that it was now at 54%, which should be enough to last until he got home this evening. It wasn't like he checked it often throughout the day or anything. He locked the door behind him and headed towards his school, trying to amp himself up along the walk there. In the back of his mind, he was dreading whatever would be waiting for him as he never usually got a day of peace without someone saying or doing at least _something_ to him.

\---

There were still a good 20 minutes left until class started and Kokichi was desperately counting down the minutes until class would begin, hoping that he would make it til then as he sat at his desk. His phone buzzed with a message that was undoubtedly from Saihara. He opened his phone to check what he had to say this early in the morning.

>> Do your best, Ouma-kun! ∑d(° ヮ °d)

He smiled reading the encouraging message when he felt someone roughly push his head down on his desk, while a different person quickly took the opportunity to snatch his phone from his hands.

“Ouma! You actually have friends that text you, huh?” his classmate said snidely, scrolling through Kokichi's phone casually. “Oh, one friend. My bad.” they corrected themselves as they had likely noticed that Saihara was apparently the only person that Ouma talked to.

Kokichi tried to lift himself up, but he couldn't get any leverage with how they seemed to be pressing their palms firmly against his cheek and neck, pinning him to his desk. The flash on his camera went off suddenly as he realized that they'd clearly taken a photo of him.

“Please, d-don't.” Ouma begged, voice shaking as he tried to somehow gain control of the situation he'd found himself in. 

“So, do you mean to say... You want me to take a better picture of you?”

“No, stop it.” he tried his hardest to sound undaunted by them, but with the tears that had begun to well up in his eyes, he was certain that he wasn't convincing anyone. The flash went off again, snapping another photo as his classmates around him laughed. He couldn't move, he couldn't do anything to stop them. He closed his eyes as his tears fell on his desk, unable to stop it from happening. Previously, Kokichi thought if he had a friend that his life would be better, but it really didn't matter whether he had friends or not, nothing would ever change for him. 

“One more picture for Saihara, yeah? Make sure you smile for the camera this time.” their tone was mockingly honeyed and obnoxious.

They must have read his messages and saw Saihara's name in his phone... And now they were going to forward these awful photos to him. The thought of them sending the pictures to Saihara made him feel sick. He refused to look at his classmates, gritting his teeth and waiting for it to end, the only option that he had. They took the last photo of him, still holding his cellphone captive as they presumably sent the images to Shuichi. Finally, the person that was holding him against his desk let go, ruffling Ouma's hair before they walked to their own desk. The others started dispersing as well until he was left with his classmate that'd taken his phone. Kokichi glared at them while waiting for them to eventually return it to him. As upset as he was, he couldn't say anything in response to their actions, simply opting to remain quiet and wait for them to go away.

“Don't worry too much, Ouma. If he's not in love with you yet, I'm sure he will be once he sees the pics.” they tossed the phone towards Kokichi, nearly hitting him in the face with the device, though he'd managed to clumsily catch it at the last second. 

Finally, they'd left him alone and as much as he just wanted to go home, his day had only just started. He almost didn't mind when these things happened at the end of the day, but when they happened early like this, he had the entire day to sit and think about it over, and over, and over... Ouma quickly opened his phone, checking his messages to Saihara and to his dismay, they did in fact send the photos they'd taken of him. He looked so pathetically helpless in them, being held down forcefully with his face pressed against the desk like that, having no control over how they'd just snapped pictures of him crying. Ouma watched as the 'read' notification popped up in the message window and he immediately panicked, turning his cellphone off and burying his head in his arms on his desk, waiting for class to begin.

\---

The first thing he did when he stepped into his bedroom was get on his laptop, opening the document he'd been working on for his application. Kokichi was so determined to make this work... If he could write a decent enough cover letter, they'd _have to_ choose him for the follow up interview. He spent the next hour meticulously combing through his writing, ensuring that it was as impressive as he could manage to make himself sound. All he had to do was send it now. Ouma opened his email and filled in the address Saihara had shared with him, attached the file, writing a short, concise message before sending it off. His hands were shaking, but it was done and out of his control at this point-- He just had to wait until the deadline and hope that they would choose him.

He wondered if Saihara was worrying about it as much as he was since he'd applied sooner than Ouma had and all, though the taller boy seemed to have a lot less anxiety when it came to these things in general. That reminded him, he had turned his phone off this morning and hadn't touched it since. He wondered if he had messages from the boy, but at the same time, he was terrified at the thought of checking his phone. Kokichi knew that he couldn't avoid Shuichi forever though, and he quickly convinced himself to turn his phone back on to see if he had any messages from the other. Part of him felt like he would need the support that he was sure Saihara would offer him after seeing the truth about his everyday life. He opened the messaging app, noticing several messages that were sent over the course of the day after the photos were taken.

>> Are you alright??

>> maybe consider skipping class and going home for today

>> Ouma-kun, I get that you probably don't want to talk to me right now, but can you let me know that you're ok?

>> You may think that I don't know what you're going through, but I understand

>> i'll leave you alone, but if you decide to talk, ill be around if you need me

Kokichi sighed heavily. It wasn't as easy as just skipping a day of class when this happened as often as it did to him. Clearly, Saihara didn't quite understand as well as he claimed he did. But he appreciated the sentiment, getting the feeling that Shuichi at least somewhat cared about the things he was going through. He felt extra embarrassed now, not only because of the pictures, but because he made Saihara wait all day to hear back from him, as if he'd done it for attention or something. He started typing a reply, taking his time to think of something appropriate that he could say in response to Saihara-kun's messages.

<< I'm really sorry if I left you waiting to hear back from me all day. I'm even more sorry that you had to see those pictures. I'm sure you can only imagine what happened to me today. After I recovered my phone, I turned it off for the day and just forgot to turn it back on. Sorry for the trouble.

He sent the message, setting his phone down on his desk, opening his laptop to look through the Fanganronpa forum to try to unwind for the evening. He didn't scroll far before Saihara had written him back.

>> were you hurt? 

<< No, not today

He sent his reply and continued scrolling through the forum, looking for something he could read to distract himself. He clicked on a topic where the OP had accused fans of Komaeda Nagito from season 2 as being 'just as toxic as he is'. Kokichi wondered if he were a Danganronpa character, what kind of people would like him and choose him as their favorite and how fans would feel about him in general. He hoped that people wouldn't hate him, at least. The discussion thread was getting really heated and Ouma couldn't understand how some people got so angry over something as simple as a personal preference regarding fictional characters-- It was legitimately insane. He grabbed his phone off his desk as he had just received a new message.

>> I'm sorry you have to go through this. 

Ouma was sorry he had to go through it too. But hopefully it wouldn't be for much longer when he got selected for the show. It was constantly on his mind now, giving him some sense of hope about things. He would honestly be beyond depressed if he got rejected, feeling unsure how he was expected to keep living this way. He realized that he was getting lost in his thoughts, instead choosing to focus on rereading Saihara's previous message so he could properly respond.

<< It's just my life, aha.

>> do you want to come over tonite?

Oh... It maybe wouldn't be the worst thing seeing Saihara right now, but at the same time, he felt humiliated after today's events, feeling unsure if he was ready to see him face to face again. He hesitantly wrote out a reply back to the other.

<< I can't tonight, but maybe later this week.

Ouma felt slightly guilty that he turned down the offer, but he wasn't sure he could handle a get together at the moment. It would probably be best if he held off for now, trying to focus on himself instead and surviving through a little bit more of the week first.

>> that's fine! make sure you're taking care of yourself, ouma-kun.

<< You too! ☆ ～('▽^) 

After sending off the reply, he set his phone back down, already feeling slightly better about things having messaged Saihara. He couldn't deny that he appreciated Shuichi's concern and support for him. At the same time, he felt slightly anxious about the next time he would have to see the boy, considering everything that had happened so unexpectedly during their last time together... He didn't want to think about it too much. It wasn't as if he needed to worry about things right now when he was choosing to stay home and isolate for the night. Ouma looked back to the forum for some kind of escape from his thoughts.

\---

The week had been crawling along at a slow pace, but it was finally Thursday evening and Kokichi felt a sense of relief about the weekend steadily approaching. He had been exchanging messages with Shuichi every day, turning down the boy's offers to get together whenever he would happen to ask. Between dealing with things at school and his home life, he wasn't sure if he could add his strange relationship with Saihara into the mix. At the same time, he knew that he couldn't avoid him forever and he somehow worried if putting off seeing Shuichi was somehow damaging their relationship-- Though it didn't seem like Saihara really minded, judging from the positive and encouraging messages he would send.

Suddenly, he heard the sound of a glass breaking coming from either the kitchen or living room and his anxiety instantly peaked. He quickly ran over to shut off his bedroom light and stood frozen by his closed bedroom door, listening as his father's voice grew increasingly louder and his mother trying to defuse the situation. He needed to leave now-- Right now. Ouma headed towards his closet, reaching in the back and grabbing a pair of spare sneakers he kept on the floor inside. He carried them over to his bedroom window, frantically checking his pockets to make sure he had everything he needed on him before opening the window and stepping out onto the roof overhang, gently closing the window from the outside. 

As he tried to keep his balance on the steeply sloped roof, Kokichi looked down at the hard cement walkway below, unable to not feel nervous and dizzy at how much higher it seemed from up here than it did standing on the ground. He tossed his shoes over onto the pavement as he closed his eyes, trying to steel his nerves before grabbing onto the edge of the roof and hanging his body over the ledge. He suddenly didn't want to let go, questioning if the fall might hurt him, but he reasoned with himself that whatever would happen to him couldn't possibly be worse than staying inside that house. He let go.

It was less than a second before he was on the ground, having landed on his feet somehow, a sharp pain shooting through his ankles from the impact. Ouma toppled over, sitting on the ground outside his home and he buried his face in his hands briefly as he collected himself, waiting for the pain from the fall to subside. He quickly put his sneakers on before apprehensively standing up, testing his weight on his feet, relieved that the pain he felt prior was only a fleeting feeling and that he was fine. Kokichi quickly ran around to the front of the house and out the front gate, not even bothering to close it, running off to no particular destination, just knowing that he couldn't stay where he was.

He ran until he couldn't breathe anymore and could feel his heart pounding, slowing down to a walk and finally feeling rational enough to be aware of his surroundings. It had seemed like he was near the park that he and Saihara had gone to when they met for the first time and had ice cream together. Ouma headed in that direction, reaching out for any source of comfort that he could get right now. He walked into the park and over to the same bench they'd sat on with one another, sitting in the same spot he had on that night.

It was like his emotions had finally caught up with him in the brief moment of peace that he felt once he sat down in the empty, silent park and Ouma suddenly found himself unable to stop the tears from falling down his cheeks. Finally, when nothing bad had happened at school, his parents had to go and fuck it all up for him at home instead. There was no end in sight to his suffering, it seemed. It was hard to justify going on living when he couldn't think of a single reason why he should even be alive. It wasn't like anyone would care if he were dead either way-- Not his parents, his classmates, and maybe not even Saihara. Somehow, he cried harder at the thought of non-existence, just knowing that sense of ease from death would be unattainable for him because he wouldn't be willing to go through with suicide for his own particular reasons...

Kokichi pulled out his phone and wrote to Shuichi, erasing and rewording essentially the same message several times, conflicted about burdening him with his own stupid feelings. He needed to talk to someone though and living alone in his own thoughts was starting to feel like torture for him.

<< I'm really not sure how much longer I can keep doing this

Ouma stared at the message window blankly, waiting for Saihara to reply. A new message popped up on the screen in no time.

>> what happened??

Ouma sighed, unsure how he would even begin to explain his current situation.

<< i left home and i cant go back til its safe and i dont know what to do

He sent the message, feeling ridiculous suddenly, like he'd made it seem like he was asking something of Shuichi, but in reality, he only wanted to talk to him. At the same time, he wished and prayed that Saihara would be able to make him feel better, feeling guilty that maybe he was using the boy for his own selfish reasons.

>> come over. if you tell me where you are, i can even come get you if you want me to walk with you.

The fact that Saihara offered to come all the way out to pick him up was most definitely appreciated, but Ouma would feel even worse if he asked him to do that. He decided the best thing he could do was to go by himself to see Shuichi and hope that he wasn't imposing himself on the boy by being at his home so late in the evening. Kokichi stood up from the bench and entered Saihara's address into his GPS as he started heading towards his house. He sent him a quick message as he walked.

<< I'll be ok, its gonna be a bit til I get there

Saihara wrote him back right away.

>> see you

\---

As Ouma approached the house, he noticed that Saihara was standing outside the gate, leaning against the surrounding wall, looking at his cellphone. It was also the first time he'd seen him in an outfit that didn't include his trademark hat. Ouma walked up to him, hoping that Saihara would be the one to speak first as he didn't quite know what to say after this evening's events. Shuichi lowered his phone when he noticed Kokichi. 

“I sort of thought when I offered for you to come over that you were going to reject me again.”

Kokichi was caught off guard by the blunt statement, seemingly out of nowhere. He didn't feel like he had been rejecting Saihara the times he'd told him he wasn't feeling up to visiting him... But apparently, Saihara had some kind of resentment against him that he was holding onto. “I didn't mean to make you feel like I was rejecting you.” Ouma started. “It's just that... it's been a difficult week.”

Shuichi nodded, glancing at his phone. He had definitely felt like Kokichi was intentionally avoiding him, which he couldn't exactly blame him for, but at the same time, he thought the smaller boy owed it to him to make more of an effort for him because of how supportive he had been to Ouma over the last week. “Let's go inside.” he said finally, turning away from the other and heading in through the front gate and towards the door to his house as Ouma followed behind him.

They stepped inside the house and as expected, Saihara had locked the door behind them just like last time. The boys each took off their shoes, Ouma carefully observing Shuichi, being reminded of the last time he visited him. The house was unusually dark for this time of night and he wondered where the taller boy's parents were, as it was strangely quiet.

“Um, Saihara-kun. Are your parents working late?” he asked curiously, peering down the darkened hallway, as if they would suddenly appear as he mentioned them.

Shuichi laughed at the question. “Something like that...” he trailed off, though quickly decided that there was no harm in explaining his own family situation to Ouma since he would probably understand better than anyone. “My mother often works overnight and my father is, well, he's a worthless excuse of a person and that's the kindest thing I can say about him. So no, my parents aren't home and won't be back tonight.”

“O-oh.” Kokichi didn't know what to say, but he definitely noticed that this was the first time that Saihara had opened up with him about anything regarding his personal life. Especially something that wasn't very easy to admit.

Shuichi continued, “It looks like we may have something else in common with our home lives being a little bit unconventional.” he watched Ouma, who was staring down at the floor awkwardly. “Let's go to my room.”

They walked down the hall to the boy's bedroom, both taking a seat on his bed. Saihara couldn't stop wondering what had happened to Ouma earlier and what exactly had driven him to see him, especially bringing him to his home after the distance the smaller boy had put between them. He had to find out, hoping that Kokichi would give him an answer.

“Why did you come over today?” he simply asked.

Kokichi looked up at Shuichi, feeling unsure about if he should tell him the truth of what happened at home before he ran away. It wasn't like it was any worse than some of the other things Saihara knew about him at this point though. Ouma told him everything...

Shuichi listened carefully to every word from Kokichi's lips. “What would have happened to you if you stayed at home?”

“It would have been bad, probably.” Ouma shrugged, not sure if he wanted to go into further detail. But Saihara continued to press the issue.

“I mean, do you think your father would have hurt you?”

“He-” Kokichi started, cutting himself off as the question fully registered with him and he found himself wondering why it mattered, but he continued. “He has before. And Mom- She never does anything to stop him.” before he knew it, he was going off on a tirade about it. “I don't do anything wrong at home. I always keep to myself and I don't bother them. Ever. I don't understand _why_ they hate me so much. It's not like I was the one who asked to be born or anything.” he looked up at Shuichi, who was patiently watching him, waiting for him to finish. Ouma suddenly felt self-conscious, like he just overshared and tried to make everything about himself. He hoped Saihara wouldn't hold it against him for venting a little bit.

“And your classmates? Do they physically abuse you too?” Saihara asked quietly.

“My... my classmates? You saw the photos they took. That was on a good day.” he answered, casting his gaze down at the floor.

“Alright.” Shuichi said, shifting on the bed next to Kokichi. “So I guess my next question is WHY are you such a fucking victim in all of this, Ouma?” he felt himself clenching his fists as he spoke, completely fed up that no matter how nice he was to Kokichi, there was nothing that he could do or say that would get through to him and help Ouma change things in his life. Even worse, he felt like he was putting more effort and thought into Ouma's problems than the smaller boy was himself. He wanted to be supportive, but it was getting to the point where he didn't know if he had it in himself and it frustrated him. Maybe it was all a waste of his time in the end.

Ouma recoiled at the harshness of Saihara's tone and his cruel words. He didn't know what Shuichi's intent was, but he felt undeniably hurt by what he said to him. “I... I can't do anything to stop it from happening.” he admitted tearfully, voice strained.

Saihara scoffed, watching as the shorter boy next to him began to tear up. “Are you seriously crying right now?” he stood up from the bed abruptly, finding it hard to sit still at this point and began pacing around his room, brushing his fingers through his bangs as he continued digging into the boy. “It's like you just sit back and take it every time something happens to you. It's pathetic.” he watched as Kokichi continued to cry softly on his bed. Even now, he was just taking whatever life threw at him with no resistance at all. It pissed him off and Saihara found himself only getting angrier the more he looked at the other. If Ouma really wanted to be a victim, Saihara could think of so many other ways he could make it happen for him.

Shuichi walked back over to the bed and grabbed Kokichi by the wrist, yanking him up to his feet, immediately drawing the other's gaze to his own as they stood in front of each other. “Stop crying.” he demanded sternly as he continued to grip Kokichi's slender wrist in his hand. And he had no explanation for why he did it, but it seemed to just happen spontaneously when he found himself leaning in and roughly crashing his lips against the other's in a heated kiss. He let go of Ouma's wrist finally, moving his hands to the boy's face, cupping his cheeks in his hands as he held him, exploring his mouth with his tongue.

Kokichi's eyes went wide, being hit with the overwhelming feeling of anxiety about what was suddenly happening. He felt confused that Saihara was sending him such mixed signals, but he couldn't deny how he somehow felt comforted by the passionate kiss and his affectionate touch, despite having just been lectured and shamed by Shuichi. Ouma hesitantly trailed his hands up along Saihara's chest, wrapping his arms around the taller boy's neck as he melted into the kiss.

Pushing him backwards onto the mattress, Shuichi positioned himself over Kokichi on his bed as he continued kissing him deeply. He closed his eyes, conflicted about his actions in coming onto the other, having never experienced these types of feelings for someone of the same gender before. Something in the back of his mind was screaming for him to stop, but he couldn't, another part of himself wanting to see how far he could take things with the boy. His cock had already begun to swell, throbbing at the thought of fucking Ouma's petite and delicate body-- Especially as he lied underneath him looking like he wanted it too, holding onto Saihara like he needed him while he gave into his kisses. He broke away with a sigh, gently nipping at Kokichi's swollen lips before pulling away entirely to observe the smaller boy who was watching him from his position on the bed. 

Kokichi could only wonder what had inspired Shuichi to kiss him in the first place. It was seemingly out of nowhere after the other had essentially verbally eviscerated him only moments prior to coming onto him like this. Before he could think about it further, his attention was on Saihara who had stood up from the bed, moving his hands down to the waistband of Ouma's jeans. Shuichi palmed Kokichi's hard-on through the thick fabric, causing him to squirm from his touch. He withdrew his hand, quickly unfastening the button and unzipping the fly on his jeans, pulling them halfway off-- _It was all too much. Too much, too fast._

“W-wait!” Ouma blurted out, trying to get the other to pause for a second before continuing in the direction he was clearly trying to take things.

Shuichi stopped immediately, narrowing his eyes at Kokichi. _He couldn't possibly be..._

Ouma continued, “I just... I don't think that-”

Saihara was suddenly laughing wildly, silencing Ouma mid-sentence. “Are you fucking kidding?” he finally asked after he'd gotten control of himself.

Ouma wasn't sure what to say in response. He opted for silence, waiting for Saihara to continue.

“I tell you that you don't stand up for yourself, but then you _somehow_ decide to start right now- With me?”

“It's... not like that, Saihara-kun.” he argued. It wasn't his intention to use this moment to 'stand up for himself' necessarily. Kokichi genuinely felt like he just wasn't ready for any of this and needed time to process his own feelings before continuing anything with Saihara. It wasn't even that he was entirely opposed to the thought of being with the taller boy _like that_ , but he wasn't sure if he was able to do this at this very moment.

Just when Shuichi felt like he was getting over his own insecurities that had been clawing at the back of his mind, Kokichi had to go and start feeling apprehensive again. He clenched his jaw, fighting back the anger he felt bubbling up inside of him. It wasn’t like he wanted to do things this way, but Ouma left him no choice when he chose to be so uncooperative and frustrating. “Did you forget that you owe me?”

It occurred to Ouma that he _did_ agree to do anything that Saihara said that other time they had spent together when...

Saihara continued, “I'm going to collect my favor from you now, Ouma-kun.” he said calmly. “But by all means, if you really want to say no, then say it.” he would have bet money that there was no way Ouma would actually try to stop him from taking what he wanted anyway. The last thing he was worried about was Ouma saying no.

Kokichi nervously chewed his bottom lip as Shuichi's words sunk in. He wondered if he legitimately meant it when he was giving him the option to say no. Though he still felt like if he put an end to this right now, it would make him seem deceitful, undoubtedly damaging his already strained relationship with the other. Even though things with Saihara were far from perfect... Kokichi felt like he was still one of the better pieces of his life, providing some kind of relief from all the chaos he faced daily. Ouma looked up at Saihara and simply nodded apprehensively, giving him permission to continue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry to leave it at this awkward break. There was just no way to separate this and the next chapter without making things either too long/too short. I'll be back soon with an update!


	5. Catalyst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW/CW: Talking about suicide in this chapter along with some more heavy dubcon that started in the last chapter lol.

It was enough of an affirmation for Saihara to continue undressing the smaller boy, removing his jeans entirely before he reached up and pulled Ouma's plaid button down off, followed by his shirt next, leaving him in his underwear. Saihara was fixed on the other's hard length, rubbing him over his underwear as the fabric absorbed the precum leaking from the tip of his cock.

Kokichi felt his face beginning to flush, writhing from the teasing touches as the stimulation started to overwhelm him. It felt so good, but under some strange pretense that he couldn't quite interpret. He watched as Saihara pulled off his own shirt before walking over to his desk, searching through the drawer for something-- What he could only assume would be lube or a condom or both maybe. He had thought he was ready for anything, but now he felt himself growing nervous at the thought of the inevitable.

Shuichi returned to the bed in front of Kokichi and looked down at the smaller boy, finding his uncertain expression making him appear even cuter than he thought before. He felt his own erection pressing against him, restrained by his pants, more than ready to have his own needs met. “Stand up and bend over the bed for me, okay?” he said softly, trying to not make the command seem as harsh as he could.

Ouma choked out a hushed cry, but obeyed, standing up and placing his palms flat on the mattress as Shuichi wasted no time removing Kokichi's underwear, leaving him fully exposed. He could hear the ruffling sound of clothing and he only assumed now that Saihara was undressing himself.

Shuichi glanced over Kokichi's body on display, taking in the details of his form and subtle curves, noting how skinny the boy was as he hastily unbuckled his belt and removed his pants. He pulled down his underwear, cock springing out from the elastic of his waistband as he stepped out of the confining material. “Spread your legs just a bit.” he directed, applying the lube he had taken from his desk to his fingers.

Kokichi complied with a whine, lowering his head as Saihara approached him, placing one hand on the smaller boy's ass, using his fingers slick with lube to gently rub Ouma's entrance. Kokichi immediately sucked in a shallow breath at the other's touch as he coated his opening with lube before pressing a finger inside of him. His body trembled from the feeling of penetration, never before having experienced that kind of intimate touch. Ouma felt weak as Saihara slowly worked a single digit in and out of him, shifting his weight onto his forearms as he took in the feeling of being prodded by the taller boy.

Saihara was finding it hard to resist Ouma at this point, with just how tight he felt and the way he seemed to grip him as he fingered him. He felt his cock throbbing at the thought of fucking him, wondering how Kokichi's smaller body would handle taking his full length. He removed his finger from the boy, adding more lube before inserting himself back into him, pushing in deeper now. Shuichi listened to the sounds Kokichi made as he worked him open-- The soft huffs and groans only excited him more. Ouma's body felt so hot inside, Saihara could only imagine what it would feel like when he would get the chance to bury his cock into him. With the anticipation starting to weigh on him, he slipped a second finger inside the boy, feeling him instantly tighten up around him. He continued playing with him, curling his fingers gently inside of the other, stroking his prostate, nearly causing Kokichi to buckle to the ground from the feeling. Maybe he should have warned him about it... Even still, he repeated the motion, watching Ouma shiver from his touch.

Ouma felt like his senses were going haywire from the continuous stimulation, ignoring his own cock that was begging for some kind of contact.

He couldn't wait any longer now, deciding that he'd given Kokichi more than enough preparation. He coated his length in lube, spreading the slick fluid along his shaft before gripping himself at the base and pressing himself against Ouma's hole. He rubbed the head of his cock against the other's slicked up entrance teasingly before slowly sinking into him.

Kokichi cried out at the sudden pain shooting through him as Shuichi entered him, his body stretching to accommodate his size. It wasn't as if he expected it to feel amazing from the start, but he didn't think that it would be quite like this.

“Y-you're so tight.” Saihara hissed, squeezing his eyes shut, digging his fingers into Ouma's slender hips and bracing himself as he took in the feeling of being enveloped by the boy. He gently pulled out part way before rocking his hips forward into him, as if testing the other's limits before settling on a moderate pace, firmly driving into his opening.

The compliment meant nothing to him when he felt like his body was most definitely not made for this-- It felt like he was going to eventually break under the strain. Ouma's breathing was uneven and he felt like every breath was some attempt to regain his own focus and make it through this. “You're hurting me, Saihara-kun...” he said softly, unsure if it would make any difference or even why he'd said it.

“Tell me to stop.” he answered coarsely, as if he were challenging Kokichi to do so. 

Ouma pressed his head down on the mattress, well aware that he wasn't intending on telling Shuichi to back down. He came to terms with suffering through the pain, ignoring the fact that it felt like he was nearly being torn open with every thrust into him. At the same time, he couldn't pretend that Saihara's cock wasn't rubbing against his prostate, shooting a wave of muted pleasure through him, diluted by the consistent, nagging pain he was feeling. The conflicting feelings mixing together made his head spin, confused about whether or not he should feel like it was something he should be enjoying or just another punishment that he had to endure.

Saihara couldn't resist Ouma's soft cries and moans every time he drove into him, watching as the boy unsteadily lifted his head up from where he was resting it on the bed to reposition himself. He didn't know why, but on some kind of impulse, he suddenly found himself grabbing a fistful of Kokichi's hair and pushing him back down onto the bed, pinning him there while he gripped the boy's hip in his other hand as he fucked him.

Instantly, Ouma was reminded of the other week when he was shoved into the lockers-- And then more recently, the pictures his classmates had taken, holding him down against his desk, much like Saihara was doing to him right now on his bed. Maybe Saihara didn't know about the first incident, but he knew about the photographs since he'd definitely seen them. He choked back a cry at the thought of Shuichi intentionally doing it, hoping that he just wasn't thinking clearly and was caught up in the moment instead.

Ouma couldn't focus on his thoughts, the feeling of pleasure being so built up inside of him from the constant teasing as Saihara's cock stroked against his prostate-- He knew that he was going to cum, everything beginning to head towards a single point within him. It seemed like Shuichi had only gotten rougher with him now as he slammed into his smaller frame, Kokichi struggling to keep his balance in order to keep from falling forward onto the bed. He closed his eyes, desperately trying to block out the discomfort and pain as Saihara thrust into him. He couldn't contain himself anymore, his breath inadvertently hitching as he came on the comforter atop Saihara's bed, trying to stifle the moan that escaped his lips. Ouma hoped that Saihara wouldn't be angry about his blanket later... 

Shuichi relaxed his pace now, fucking Ouma slowly as he moved his hands to the boy's ass, gripping him as he rocked his hips forward, watching as he drove into his hole. “Did you cum, Ouma-kun?” he asked attentively, trailing his hands up to Kokichi's waist and holding onto him gently.

“Mmhm...” he whined, feeling somehow ashamed by it. 

It wasn't enough and Saihara found himself wanting to see just how much of a wreck he could turn Ouma into. He reached around, grabbing the boy's spent cock, jerking him off from behind.

Kokichi cried out from his touch alone, feeling far too sensitive and overworked at this point to be touched any further. “I-it's too much, Saihara-kun.” he groaned, but it didn't seem like Shuichi had any intention to stop, working his length in his hand as he continued fucking him. Ouma tried to stop himself from squirming underneath the other, but he felt so overstimulated from the combination of Saihara's length inside him rubbing repeatedly against his prostate while he worked his shaft in his hand. He could hardly hold himself up, knees feeling weak and body trembling and shivering as each jolt of overwhelming pleasure shooting through him was beginning to feel like torture on his body. He felt like he was in a daze, completely at his breaking point as Saihara picked up his pace again, taking him harder. Ouma knew that the taller boy was most likely reaching his own limit as well, listening as Shuichi's breathing grew heavy.

With the buildup weighing down on him, Saihara felt himself peaking, as if everything inside of him was tightening up just before giving in to his release and he let go as the feeling took over every one of his senses. He desperately pumped into Kokichi's entrance before fully sheathing himself inside the boy as he came hard, filling him up with his cum. It only took him a few seconds to regain his composure, bringing his attention back to Ouma's wanting cock as he quickly stroked his length.

The continuous stimulation was becoming dizzying now, wearing Ouma down as he felt like he was on the verge of cumming again. With Saihara's hand frantically working him up and down, he could only give into the feeling as he approached his tipping point, breathing erratically as he came with a strangled cry, spilling his seed for the second time. He was finding it nearly impossible to hold himself up at this point, breathing heavily and waiting for Saihara to finally pull out.

Shuichi moved his hands to Kokichi's ass, spreading him apart as he slowly withdrew his softening length from his hole, watching as a stream of cum trickled out of the boy. Fuck, it almost made him want to go again. Feeling unsure of what to exactly say or do regarding aftercare post-sex, he opted to get dressed instead, walking over to his discarded clothes and began putting them on. Ouma steadied himself on his feet and followed the taller boy's lead, picking his own clothing up off the floor. 

Saihara stepped into his underwear first, then pants, glancing over at his bed and noticing the mess of cum on his blanket. “Oh. You came on my bed.” he observed, sounding less than thrilled.

“S-sorry.” Ouma apologized quietly. It's not like he had many options or anything... Besides, Saihara had literally finished inside of him and he had to deal with being filled with and leaking cum from his ass so Shuichi definitely got the better end of the deal.

Saihara stopped after buckling his belt, holding his shirt in his hands as he walked out of his bedroom. He returned only a short moment later with a small towel to clean up his comforter. He stripped the blanket from his bed, folding it sloppily before setting it on the floor in the corner of his room for whenever he would get around to washing it. He grabbed a spare comforter from the top shelf of his closet, laying it out on his mattress before continuing to dress. After he was dressed, he sat on his bed, watching as Ouma pulled his t-shirt over his head as he put on the last of his clothing. The smaller boy stood by the bed, eyes cast down towards the floor as if he were deep in thought.

“You can sit down.” Saihara offered.

Kokichi took a seat next to the other, immediately noticing how sore his ass felt after their activities. He flinched slightly from the discomfort, wondering how long it would last for. At least the worst of it was over now though. He felt a weird sense of pride with himself for going through with it and not making Saihara stop. And even stranger, he was feeling somewhat better about things now and he had to wonder if it was Shuichi's plan from the beginning, like some kind of distraction for him. It's what Ouma wanted to believe anyway and not that Saihara was trying to take advantage of him during a vulnerable moment.

Saihara glanced over at Ouma, who had a concerned look on his face, brows knit together, paying no attention to him. He couldn't believe that they just fucked-- The fact that Ouma is a guy and Saihara managed to go through with it even though he had conditioned himself to believe that it was something he definitely should not do, regardless of how he felt... Somehow, he felt okay with things now despite his prior conflicting feelings. But at the same time, he couldn't help but to feel guilty about the rough way he went about it, getting completely caught up in the moment and taking what he wanted without considering how Kokichi felt about things. Maybe... Maybe Ouma didn't deserve it. Before, Saihara had told himself that he wanted to help Ouma, but everything he just did was clearly for his own benefit, using the smaller boy to get himself off in a moment of weakness... The longer he watched Kokichi, the worse he felt, unable to justify his own actions. _What the fuck was wrong with him?_

“I should probably go home now.” Ouma said suddenly.

Saihara was immediately hit with an out-of-nowhere pang of heartache from his words, completely catching himself off guard. “Will you be okay?” he asked softly. “With your parents, I mean.”

Ouma looked his way finally. “I don't really know. But it's late, so...” he trailed off, unsure if he really needed to rationalize leaving for the night with an excuse in the first place.

“Um-” Saihara began, trying to find the courage to say the words that he wanted to tell Ouma-kun. “Maybe, uh, maybe you should stay over tonight.”

“Oh.” Kokichi was mildly surprised at the other's sudden offer. “Well, there's school tomorrow and I don't have my uniform or anything with me.”

“You could always skip a day.” he suggested, feeling nothing short of desperate trying to get the smaller boy to stay. But he didn't feel as if he was quite ready for Ouma to leave him yet and if that meant that he had to embarrass himself by nearly begging him to not leave, then he would do it. It was the least he could do for him after everything...

“What about your par- I mean, your mother. Won't she wonder why you skipped school tomorrow... or why you have someone staying over with you on a school night?” he asked curiously, watching Saihara intently and trying to read his expression for any hint as to what the boy may be thinking.

“She definitely won't notice. I just-” he stopped himself, suddenly feeling self-conscious and like his face was getting hot just saying the words he was speaking. He continued anyway, “I don't want anything bad to happen to you if you go home.” he was finding it extremely difficult now to hold his gaze on Ouma's, even though everything he was saying was how he truly felt.

Kokichi looked down briefly, as if he were considering Shuichi's proposition. “Okay.” he simply said in agreement.

His eyes lit up once the other agreed. “Um, I have some extra clothes you can wear to bed and, aah, one minute.” he hurried out of his bedroom, leaving Ouma alone in the room. 

Ouma sat on the bed feeling confused suddenly by the way that Saihara was acting. He had said he didn't want anything bad to happen to him, but... he didn't really seem too concerned with how he felt not too long ago. Ouma didn't know what to make of it. He thought he was getting to know Shuichi, but it seemed like the better he got to know him, the more questions he had.

Saihara returned quickly with an unopened toothbrush and bath towel. “Here. You can take a shower if you'd like to.” 

“Yeah, thanks.” Ouma nodded, taking the supplies and setting them next to him on the bed.

“Are you hungry?” Saihara asked.

Ouma felt like his head was spinning, feeling almost nervous about the abrupt kindness he was being shown, as if he couldn't quite trust him to be sincere in his words and he was just waiting for him to snap back to his old ways. Ouma could only assume that maybe Saihara felt badly about what happened between them and he was trying to make amends or something. “Ah, yeah. A little bit.” he admitted.

“I can go and make something for dinner. But, um...” he trailed off. “I can pretty much only make like, three things so if you don't like curry rice, omurice, or instant ramen, then-”

“O-oh.” Kokichi giggled softly, catching the other's subtle smile as he watched Ouma's reaction. “Any of those are fine.”

“Okay. You can take a shower if you feel up to it or use my computer if you want to while you wait.”

“Would it be alright if I showered first?” Ouma asked hesitantly, shifting uncomfortably on the bed.

“Of course.” Saihara said, walking over to his dresser and picking out a fresh pair of clothes for Ouma to change into. He grabbed a t-shirt, sweatpants, underwear, and a pair of socks. “Is this alright?”

“Yes, that works.” Ouma answered as Shuichi set the clothes down on his bed. He picked up the towel and followed Saihara down the hall to the bathroom. The taller boy grabbed a small plastic bin with shower essentials inside of it and handed it over to Kokichi. He could only assume this was the same stuff that Saihara showered with.

“I'm gonna go start dinner. Take your time though since it'll probably be a bit.”

“Thanks, Saihara-kun.” Ouma said as Shuichi acknowledged him with a nod, walking out of the bathroom and closing the door behind him.

Saihara walked down the hallway towards the kitchen. He stopped before entering, heading over to the front door to grab Ouma's shoes and hide them in his bedroom. If he was going to have him stay over, the last thing he wanted was for his mother to come home in the morning with questions about why he had someone over. He went back to the kitchen and once inside, he washed his hands and started pulling ingredients for curry rice from the refrigerator and cabinets. He should really apologize to Ouma-kun... but he wasn't sure what to say or how to even begin to say sorry. Saihara was perfectly aware that he blew up on Ouma, taking out his own pent up aggression on him. He didn't deserve any of it, especially with how rough things were for him. He started the process of making rice in the electric rice maker. It was so easy this way, there was no way that even he could fuck it up. Shuichi sighed, watching as the machine lit up with a number on the faceplate indicating how long it would take to cook.

He wondered if Ouma had only agreed to stay over tonight because he felt obligated to do so. He started chopping vegetables for the curry, trying to distract himself from his thoughts. _Wait-- Did Ouma-kun like spicy things?_ Saihara had never asked him before. He tried recalling every occasion he'd seen the other eat, remembering the last time he'd visited and they shared snacks in his room when they binge-watched Danganronpa. Shuichi definitely recalled him avoiding the spicy ones now that he was thinking about it. He decided to make the curry more mild instead of spicy so Ouma could at least enjoy it. Ugh, he hated cooking so much, but he continued getting everything prepped and was adding the ingredients to the pot before he knew it.

Saihara heard the water from the shower shut off finally, wondering if Ouma was going to hide out in his room until dinner was ready or come speak with him. It would probably be a good time for him to apologize, but the thought of saying sorry was overwhelming. He still had all night to figure out if he would be able to bring it up. He couldn't help but to try to define what his and Kokichi's relationship even was... But beyond that, if Ouma would even want anything to do with him again after tonight considering how he had really cut into the boy before they had sex. It didn't matter if he previously had issues that he was working through, Saihara knew that he had to try to do better to show Ouma that he cared about him. That's right- He had to feel something for Kokichi, otherwise he wouldn't be feeling so down on himself right now for the way he had treated him. He hoped that it wasn't too late to make it up to him, at least.

“Ooh,” Kokichi started as he walked into the kitchen. “I thought you were joking when you said you could make curry.”

Shuichi almost jumped at the other's voice chiming in unexpectedly, turning around to see Ouma heading over to where he was standing. As he was walking over, Ouma suddenly tripped on one of the legs of the oversized sweatpants he'd borrowed, falling forward abruptly. Saihara quickly reached out to him, pulling the smaller boy towards his chest, catching him before he fell. “Aah, be careful, Ouma-kun.” he gently said, getting down on one knee and cuffing each leg of Ouma's pants so they wouldn't be quite so long on him.

“T-thank you.” Kokichi blushed, feeling like a child always needing Shuichi to come to his rescue over the most mundane things.

“Hey, why did you think I was joking about being able to make curry?” Saihara asked curiously, returning to the pot to check on the simmering ingredients.

“Well, I totally believed that you could make stuff like omurice and instant ramen, but you know... curry just seems out of your skill set when you compare it to those things.” he said bluntly, walking up to the stove and peeking into the pot. 

Saihara smiled at the seemingly innocent jab, stirring the ingredients before lowering the heat. “It's definitely a little bit more complicated, but not difficult. Mom taught me how to make it when I was younger so I wouldn't have to rely on junk food when she wasn't home or was too tired to cook.”

“Wow, you must have been pretty responsible from a young age.” Kokichi mused, leaning against the kitchen counter, observing Saihara as he put their dinner together.

“I guess you could say that.” Shuichi looked over, meeting the other's gaze, feeling like he wanted to change the subject from his past and personal life to literally anything else. “Aah, anyway. It's going to be a while til it's ready. I hope that's okay.”

“I don't mind waiting with you.”

\---

Ouma lied back on Saihara's bed while he waited for him to finish up in the shower. They had finished eating the curry rice that he made for dinner and it was surprisingly good too. Kokichi had honestly expected it to be horrible, though that was a secret that he would never, ever tell Shuichi. He just didn't take him for the type that would be able to cook, though to be fair, he did say that there wasn't much that he was able to successfully make. It wasn't long until Saihara was walking back into the room in his towel to change for the night. Kokichi played around on his phone while he got dressed in a similar outfit that he'd given Ouma to wear to bed.

After he was dressed, Saihara sat down on the edge of the bed, watching Ouma toy with his cellphone. It was nice to see him looking so comfortable in his room, wearing his clothes while he casually lied back on his mattress like this. “Ready for bed yet?” Shuichi asked, starting to feel decently tired himself and hoping that Kokichi would be willing to go to bed now.

The smaller boy looked up from his phone. “Yeah, sure.” he said, sitting up next to where the other sat. “Umm, so should I sleep on, aah... the floor or something?” he asked timidly.

“Absolutely not.” Saihara immediately rejected the idea. “You can have the bed and I'll take the floor.”

Ouma couldn't stand the thought of allowing Saihara sleep on his floor while he took the bed to himself. “... Would it be weird if we just shared it?” he couldn't see how it would be strange to share a bed considering they already had sex with each other, but he didn't know if Shuichi would be comfortable with it.

“Well, no. Not if you're okay with that, I guess.” he said, though he couldn't deny that there was still a small part inside of him that felt apprehensive about it, for some reason, telling him that it was something he should feel ashamed about doing. It made no sense, considering how much further they'd gone tonight than just sleeping in the same bed. He pushed the thought out of his head, trying to instead look forward to the idea of getting to be close to the shorter boy like this.

“Yeah, of course I'm fine with it.” Ouma smiled, looking up at the other. He wished that things could always be like this with Saihara, where the boy was showing him kindness and some semblance of warmth. But so far, he knew that he couldn't definitively rely on him for that, having been let down in the past. Kokichi climbed into bed under the comforter on the inside of the bed nearest the wall. “Is this side of the bed okay for me to take?”

“Mhm, wherever you're comfortable.” he just wanted to be as accommodating as he could manage to be towards Ouma. Saihara stood up and walked over to his desk, shutting off the lamp before returning to his bed, though he found himself briefly pausing before joining the other boy. He tried to think about how the best way to go about this would be, opting to lie on his back, trying to leave a decent amount of space between the two of them.

Ouma rolled over on his side to face the wall, finding himself concerned with taking up too much space in Saihara's bed. It was such an odd feeling not only sleeping in a different bed, but with someone else and he hoped he wouldn't fidget too much tonight. He closed his eyes as his thoughts wandered, though he couldn't help but to notice just how restless Saihara seemed next to him. Kokichi tried considering that maybe Shuichi just took a little while to fall asleep, but before he could even fully process the thought, he felt the other's body leaning against his own. Only seconds later, Saihara reached out, pulling Ouma towards him, holding onto the boy and burying his face gently against Kokichi's neck. He could feel Saihara's breath fanning across his skin, almost drawing out a shiver from him.

“Saihara-kun...”

Shuichi kissed his neck softly. “I'm sorry.”

“S-Saihara-kun?” Ouma's own breathing was becoming more rapid now, unsure of what to make of the situation he'd found himself in, but he couldn't deny how nice it felt being kissed against such a sensitive spot like this.

“I hurt you, didn't I?” he quietly asked, planting more gentle kisses along Kokichi's neck, as if somehow he could kiss away the damage he'd done.

“You...” the shorter boy trailed off, not feeling as if he wanted the words confirming what Saihara had asked to come from his own lips. “It's okay.” he simply said, tilting his head to give Shuichi better access to him as he peppered his skin with kisses. Even though he didn't want to come out and say that he _did_ hurt him, he couldn't lie and deny it either.

Saihara kissed a trail up his neck, sucking gently and evoking a soft whine from the other. It was hard to resist not trying to elicit more noises like that from the boy. “I'm sorry.” he said again, lips grazing Ouma's skin as he whispered against him.

Kokichi didn't know why he felt like he was suddenly getting emotional from Shuichi's apology. It just sounded so sincere and the comforting way that he was holding onto him only made him feel as if he wanted to forget about all his problems. But he knew that he couldn't forget and the soothing tone and touch coming from Saihara was almost a cruel taunt that after tonight, everything would just go back to the way it always has been. “It's okay.” he repeated shakily, voice breaking as he spoke. 

_Was he... crying again?_ Saihara pulled away, backing off immediately in an attempt to give Ouma some space. He wondered if maybe he was responsible for why Kokichi was seemingly on the verge of tears right now. He wasn't sure what the right thing to say was, but he couldn't just say nothing. “I don't want to be the reason that you're sad, Ouma-kun.”

Kokichi shifted subtly before turning over to face Shuichi, eyes glossy with the tears that he was holding back. Saihara gently stroked the stray hairs from Ouma's face in an attempt to be comforting. 

“You're not the reason, Saihara-kun.” he said softly through a fragile smile that he forced. 

Saihara didn't quite understand why Ouma looked so dejected suddenly if he wasn't the cause of it. He knew that he'd definitely contributed to some of his problems over the course of their friendship and the times they had met up together. “Then... why?” he asked guardedly, unsure whether or not it was his place to be asking these types of questions.

“Are you asking me why I'm sad?” he laughed quietly to himself. “It's because... I'm forced to live in this world where everything is so worthless. I'm sick of it, to be honest. If I keep suffering through it, then my punishment is just having to be alive and to endure this hell every day.” he tensed up, furrowing his brows, as if he were trying to determine whether or not he should continue. “But- If I were to just give up and kill myself to escape it, then my very existence would become just as meaningless as everything that I hate because I've never done anything worthwhile with my life. As you can see, there's really no way for me to win with either option.”

Saihara stared in mild awe as he watched Ouma as he continued.

“So when you told me that there was a chance that I could be on Danganronpa, I was beyond grateful, Saihara-kun. It changed my life in a significant way. I would get to be a part of the only thing in the world that matters- When I die, it not only won't matter because I got to be involved in something amazing, but my life will finally have had a real purpose. I'll get everything that I want in the end.” he sighed softly, looking up into Saihara's troubled eyes.

Shuichi couldn't help but to notice that while Kokichi was speaking fairly calmly, the words he spoke didn't match up at all with the image of the boy he had in his mind prior to this. He had no idea that Ouma felt this way. Obviously he knew that things were rough for him at home and at school, but hearing the contempt he seemed to have for not only humanity, but his very own life was concerning. Of course Saihara also wanted to be a part of Danganronpa and had come to terms with death just for the opportunity to be involved with the series, but it had nothing to do with suicidal thoughts or using the show as some kind of 'out'. He had to ask the one question that was on his mind.

“What happens if you don't get selected to be on the show?” 

Kokichi frowned, lowering his head. “I don't know... I guess I'm sorta counting on getting chosen.” he said meekly.

“I really hope you get picked too.” Saihara realized that he didn't get a straight answer to his question for whatever reason Ouma had chosen. Additionally, it felt so strange to _hope_ that Ouma would get selected to be on Danganronpa after hearing his true feelings about it. If it meant his happiness, then Saihara couldn't see how he could support anything else. He didn't agree with his mindset at all, but he couldn't fault him for how he felt when Shuichi had his own unusual set of perceptions about things.

“Thank you, Saihara-kun.” Ouma rested his head on the pillow, closing his eyes. 

He could tell that Ouma must be feeling worn out after what was likely an emotionally taxing, long day for him. It wouldn't be a lie that he was feeling pretty tired himself, though he recognized that Ouma probably had it much worse than he did. “I didn't mean to keep you up like this talking.”

“Oh, but I like getting to talk with you.”

After everything, Ouma still enjoyed talking to him, somehow. Saihara smiled, pulling up the comforter over them as he lied back next to Kokichi. He watched the other curled up in bed with him, feeling relieved that he had decided to stay over tonight. He leaned in next to the smaller boy, gently resting his arm over Kokichi's chest. It didn't take long before the overwhelming need for sleep took over and he could no longer keep his eyes open.


End file.
